November Blog Entries
Fourteen doctors – for one person – amazing!
Thursday, November 1
Today, Jean has a doctor’s appointment, but Ken is taking her. There is no way I can do that today. This is a brand new doctor for her, a pulmonary specialist. It’s amazing. She has a different doctor for almost every part of her body…that’s the truth. It’s amazing today that we cannot go to just one doctor to help us. She honestly has her family doctor, heart doctor, foot doctor, gynecologist, oncologist, vascular doctor, neurologist, gastroenterologist, eye doctor, retina specialist, hearing aid specialist, skin doctor, chiropractor and dentist. No wonder we’re always running to doctors.
And on top of that, there are all kinds of tests, xrays and blood tests, constantly running to the drug store. And this is just for one person. Then you multiply that by my mom and dad. No wonder I’m always trying to catch up with my work. I hate it every time a doctor wants one of our parents to go see a specialist. Selfishly, I really don’t want to see another doctor, but know I can’t feel that way.
The health care dilemma – who’s paying for all this?
We love our parents and will do everything we can to give them the best healthcare. But you can see why our country’s health care costs are out of control. It costs a fortune to provide quality care to the elderly.
My dad is pretty much the same today. Still can’t sleep at night, but now the nurses and attendants are aware of his problem and let him come out into the big room with the big screen TV. That seems to help him. We had to cut our visit shorter than normal with my dad today, so that I could get mom back home for her therapy session today. I’m still feeling very encouraged with the therapy for her. I feel any little improvement with her strength will be a plus for my dad when he comes home and for the rest of us, as well. I know it’s hard for her, but think it will be very beneficial to her.
When a senior is forced to do
more, could it really be beneficial?
Friday, November 2
Still getting at least 2 to 3 hours a day in at work. Really have to make every minute count when I get into the office. Dad was pretty much the same today when we visited him. Was really nasty out weather-wise… noreaster brewing out in the Atlantic today.
Mom really minds coming out in weather like this. This is so different for her to have to go out every day. When Dad was home and ok, she wouldn’t go out for days sometimes, because she just wasn’t up to it. Maybe in some respects this is a good thing for her. I know she’s frustrated about the whole situation, but maybe it’s making her just a little bit more independent. She usually crashes after we have dinner at night. I try to get her nightie on fairly early in the evening before she falls asleep. Makes it easier for her and for myself.
What weekend? Just another busy day
Saturday, November 3
Really have a very busy day on Saturdays. Like to try to make a good breakfast on Saturdays and Sundays, since it’s too crazy during the week. Always change the beds and do laundry in the morning. Always take my mother-in-law grocery shopping in the morning and any other errands she needs.
But, this morning she was not feeling well. She was dizzy and not herself. So, she decided to stay home today. I went out shopping by myself. After shopping and lunch, Mom and I went to see Dad. We brought a goodie bag for him today. He seemed pretty good, but was in pain when we left. Still not sleeping or eating much.
Got him a new CD player today. The one I bought last week stopped working. He can play music to help him sleep. Guess he did use it.
Would be so nice just to see him a little more accepting of being here and concentrating on getting his leg healed. I got my mother and mother-in-law settled with their dinner and then Ken and I went out to dinner, just to get me out and both of us having some alone time. We really need that time.
How can you get a senior to accept his situation and not fight it so much when he’s miserable all the time?
Sunday, November 4
Dad wasn’t doing too great today when Mom and I arrived. Donna, a good friend, was visiting with him, which was nice for him. He was very uncomfortable and having pain in his upper leg. I found out from one of the nurses that he has not been sleeping at all. Does not want to get into bed day or night…wants to sit either in his wheelchair or straight chair in his room.
We tried to get some ice or heat for his leg, but the nurse said it wasn’t ordered and didn’t seem to want to get it for him. Between Mom, Donna, myself and the nurse, we were finally able to persuade him to get into bed to get the pressure off his leg. Seems to be more comfortable now and finally sleeping.
Everyone said how badly he wants to come home and we all tell him he has to cooperate to help his leg heal. If any of you have any suggestions on how to help a senior accept their situation better, we would welcome your help. Leave your comments in our Elder Care Forum.
I really do feel for him! Not sure how long it will be until he gets home. He still is not eating, so I think I’m going to bring in some spaghetti and meatballs for him tomorrow.
Mondays are always interesting
Monday, November 5
Mom has her rituals that she likes to keep. She takes her weekly pill on Mondays and always gets up real early in the morning. So, I try to keep her on schedule as best as I can.
Today there was a caregiver conference and met with the social worker, nurse and physical therapist. Dad sat in on part of the meeting. It was a good meeting.
We were able to tell them some of our concerns and problems and they gave us an update on his progress. He will be here at least 3 more weeks…they definitely do not want him to come home before he can put full weight on his leg. He will most likely have home therapy, which will show him how to get around in the house.
At that point they will decide if he needs more therapy to improve his walking. I expressed some concerns I had with Dad in regard to his pain in his leg and whether or not he could get a leg rest for his wheelchair. Also discussed his not sleeping and not eating because of hard time swallowing. I was totally impressed with how quickly they responded to our concerns. Within 15 minutes of coming back to my dad’s room, they had a new wheelchair with legrests.
They also requested I get him new sneakers to help with the swelling and be easier to get on and off…velcro closings. While I was in the store purchasing the sneakers, I had the speech therapist on the phone with recommendations for Dad’s difficulty in swallowing. Never had problems addressed so quickly.
A different kind of Thanksgiving
Dad will be staying here at least through the end of this month. We’ll be spending Thanksgiving at the convalescent home. This will be a very different Thanksgiving! The speech therapist would like Dad to have the barium swallow test done, but Dad didn’t seem to want to do anything more now. Told the speech therapist I would talk to Dad about it. I personally would like him to get this problem taken care of before he comes home. Maybe we could start with a clean slate and not have to go to all kinds of specialists.
When we arrived back home, it was time for Mom’s physical therapy. She’s coming along. She was stretching her arm and leg muscles to allow her to be more flexible. Mom is not in love with physical therapy, but I think it could do so much for her if she really puts her mind to it. Of course, I don’t know what her pain level is like. The therapist is gradually trying to show me how to stretch Mom’s upper thigh muscles…anything to get her more loosened up.
I can’t believe how exhausting this is.
I really haven’t had any time to myself since this whole ordeal started. Ken and I take at least one or two hours on Saturday to go out by ourselves and that’s it. When I finally have time to myself, if I don’t have to do any makeup work from the office, I fall asleep. That’s pretty pathetic.
Wishful thinking
Thursday, November 8
Well, a lot sure has happened since Monday. Since our meeting with the team for Dad’s care on Monday, we pretty much assumed he was going to be in the convalescent center for Thanksgiving. Now, he’s saying he can come home for Thanksgiving. I need to speak to the physical therapy people. Dad said he had a horrible time sleeping last night. I think it’s so bad that he could just scream! I’ve been trying to get a sleeping pill for him since he came in. For some reason or other, they haven’t been too anxious to give him any. I keep trying every day. Hopefully, they’ll get one for him tonight.
Mom saw the occupational therapist for the first time today. This can also be a great opportunity for her to become a little bit more independent. The therapist will work with her to help improve her short-term memory, help with her personal-care skills, etc. I’m just so hopeful
On a roller coaster
Boy, things sure change from day to day. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster and can’t get off. Seems like I get one thing straightened out and then a new problem arises. I was really trying to figure out how we were going to work getting Dad home and into the house using a ramp, plus the anxiety of him reinjuring himself by putting his whole weight by accident on his leg. I spoke with our social worker about how confused I was about Dad coming home before Thanksgiving. First we were told he will not be home and then 3 days later Dad told me he’d be coming home for Thanksgiving and not coming back to the convalescent home.
She reassured me, along with the physical therapy people, that he needs to stay until he has full weight bearing on his left leg. Well, selfishly I was relieved, but I do know how Dad must feel. He’s been there 3 weeks already and not happy because he can’t sleep at night. If that were me, I’d be every bit as bad if not worse. But, he knows it’s in his best interests to stay there until he heals more.
Every day seems to be a new adventure.
Today while I was attempting to transport Mom via wheelchair into the convalescent center, the front wheel broke on the wheelchair. Thankfully, it didn’t push her forward when the wheel broke. Believe it or not, I wasn’t even upset about it. We were rescued by Dad’s roommate’s son. He and an attendant brought us a wheelchair to borrow for our visit. So, guess what Ken and I are doing tonight? You guessed it! Off to the store to get a new wheelchair. We did find one…called a transport chair, which will be fine. It pushes so much easier than the old one. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
So many stories here
Coming over to the convalescent center sometimes makes me feel so sad to see all these elderly people that were once active, lively, happy people. I can tell there are so many great stories in all these people. I hear some of the stories and really do enjoy them. I hope their stories are not lost in time.
It’s amazing what you learn about your parents when so much close time is spent together. That part of this experience I will never regret. Just wish aging didn’t have to be so difficult for a good majority of people. Someone’s elderly parent said that aging is not for sissies…how very true.
My mother’s biggest fear was that something would happen to my Dad and he’d have to go to the hospital, and then what would happen to her? Well, it did happen and I always did tell her I would never let anything bad happen to her if at all possible. So far, I’ve kept my promise and intend to keep doing so.
One great thing that has happened through all this, my grandmother (stepgrandmother) who is 95 years old, has been such a great person to talk to about all these problems. Her mind is still so sharp and totally understands everything we’re going through. She still lives alone in her own house, drives her own car, takes her 97-year-old sister to the store and doctor, bakes for her church bazaars and friends and neighbors. Pretty amazing lady!
Was talking to our son tonight and I told him that this is the hardest thing that we’ve ever done. If someone had told me we’d be going through all this a year ago, I would have said they were totally crazy. Little did we know. Can’t wait to see our grandchildren! Really need to hear some lively screaming and hollering and running through our house again. They are really good at it!
The night ritual - heartbreaking
Wednesday, November 14
I just got my mother tucked into bed for the night. It’s such an ordeal for her to get into bed. It must take her a good 10 minutes just to finally get her body down into a prone position. She needs help straightening out her legs. She can only sleep on her right side and cannot change her sleep position during the night. She can never sleep on her back, as she cannot straighten out her back to put her head down.
I’m still looking for a solution for her, as she goes through this ritual about 3 times a night…not sure what it is. She’s totally frustrated and upset by the time she finally gets settled into bed.
The past couple of days, as usual, offered some new challenges. The big challenge is shuffling everything around to fit in Mom’s therapy, visits to Dad, helping my mother-in-law with her problems and issues, getting my work done at the office, etc. My mom has therapy 5 days a week, physical therapy and occupational therapy. It’s very difficult for her, because the muscles in her body have atrophied so badly and she’s stooped over so badly.
The therapists have given her some very good exercises and tips on how to get herself up out of a chair by herself and walking properly with a walker, etc. I’m just hoping she doesn’t get disgusted and give up. Guess it’s hard to push yourself when you hurt and feel so weak.
Dad finally is accepting his situation
Dad’s spirits seem to be a little brighter. I think he finally has accepted staying at the rehab center until he can put 100% weight on his leg. He also has finally started to eat a little more. Eating has been an issue for him. He’s finally going to get a barium swallow test next week, which should show why he has so much difficulty with his swallowing. He was finally able to get his hair cut today. Think any change they can have, while they are waiting for the healing process to be over, is a good thing.
Just can’t imagine what it must be like sitting day after day and having nothing to do. My Dad doesn’t like to read, so there’s nothing to occupy his mind. I just feel so bad every time I go visit. At least my Dad is coming home…a good percentage of the people there will not be going home again and some of them may have been basically forgotten by their family.
We made reservations to have our Thanksgiving dinner at the convalescent home. My Mom is already stressing about being able to sit at the table. Most chairs she cannot tolerate anymore. No matter what happens that day, we will be together and that’s all that matters.
Waiting for dad to come home – more anxiety
Friday, November 16
Well, Dad has been at the convalescent home for a month now. He wants to come home so badly. I wish he could, but there is just no way I could care for him at home. I could see him forgetting himself and getting up on his leg and reinjuring himself. I just refuse to go through this all over again. If we’re lucky, he should be home in about two more weeks. Once he gets 100% weight bearing status on his leg, then he will be allowed home.
The days must seem endless to him. He doesn’t read, can’t seem to concentrate on TV or listen to his music. I know he is depressed and very uptight. I had to ask the nurse if they could give him something for his anxiety. They did give him some kind of medication and seems to be a little bit better. But, I know he won’t be happy until he gets home.
I am concerned with all the medication he is on right now…between the Prozac, anxiety medication, sleeping pills, plus his diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol medication. I am definitely going to have to take control over dispensing his medication. He used to dispense his medicine and my mother’s medicine…not anymore! I’m also going to have to deal with his blood sugar levels. His insulin has been all switched around since he’s been in the rehab center. There are many issues to be addressed.
Alzheimer’s is traumatic for everyone
My mother-in-law, Ken’s mother is, unfortunately, becoming more and more forgetful. This is really scary. She does not remember her appointments from one day to another or who is taking her to the appointment. Did not remember who did the dishes last night…she rinsed them and I put them in the dishwasher. She’s having a harder and harder time getting out the words to describe things…I know she’s totally frustrated and feel so bad for her. She constantly is saying to me, “I don’t know what is wrong with me.” This situation for her is only going to get worse.
Progress… and frustrations
Tuesday, November 20
Dad finally had his barium swallow test done for his throat problem. Hoping that they will be able to determine what his problem is. The speech therapist said his voice seems to be getting a little stronger. It appears that his voice is the strongest when he feels confident in what he is saying. The speech therapist said he needs encouragement that he’s doing well. That’s one thing we will have to work on when he comes home.
Between all the situations with our parents, I continually find myself getting more and more frustrated. I really do have to watch myself around them and not show my emotions…they are extremely sensitive to everything these days. It takes so much patience and understanding when I’m with them.
My mother is so unbelievably slow and sometimes I’m so tired and my tolerance level these days isn’t the greatest. My mother-in-law can take up to 15 minutes or a half an hour to explain something very simple, plus she goes over it again and again. I feel badly when I start losing it…I try very hard not to. But, I am human and have bad days too. Once in a while I do have a breakdown and end up crying. But, a good cry is actually good…it releases all those pent-up emotions. I’ve been pretty good lately.
A very different Thanksgiving and a full moon
Friday, November 23
Thanksgiving was very different this year, including leading up to the holiday. Normally, I would have been running around preparing all kinds of food, like everyone else. This year, since we decided to have our dinner with Dad at the convalescent home, I didn’t do any cooking for Thanksgiving. I really did miss all that.
But, believe it or not, I went into the grocery store the night before Thanksgiving to get my free Thanksgiving turkey and a few other items. In the past I would have avoided doing that like the plague. But, it was the best thing I could have done. I actually felt good doing it…my whole mental outlook was so much better.
The one good thing about having Thanksgiving dinner at the convalescent home was that we didn’t overeat. We were served a decent size plate of food…just didn’t have the extra servings of turkey and all the trimmings, like we’re all guilty of doing. It was also good to see Dad eating decently again. He had been losing weight… total of 12 pounds, but he’s gained about 4 or 5 pounds of it back.
He misses being home so much and Thanksgiving has made it that much harder. My mom and dad haven’t been separated like this since my dad was in service during the Second World War. This is very difficult for both of them.
Boy, on Friday, I think the full moon definitely affected our household. My mom had herself convinced that something happened to me… I was upstairs getting dressed to go shopping and she thought I was too quiet. She had herself convinced I had a heart attack. She is so paranoid about something happening to me or my father. She knows she should not be such a worrier, but can’t help herself. And, then when I came home from shopping, my mother-in-law was all dressed to go out shopping. This kind of thing is maddening, and thank goodness does not happen too often.
I’m convinced as we grow older that the person we once were in the past is magnified greatly as we age…
especially people with dementia/Alzheimer’s. For example, my mom was always a worry wart, but today she is 10 times worse than before. My mother-in-law always liked her food hot, but today likes everything so scalding hot, including sandwiches that would usually be eaten cold. In her world, everything revolves around food.
It’s a little scary watching all this happen to our parents and wondering what we are going to be like in our older years. A lot of this aging stuff I’d rather not observe and be made aware of possibly happening to myself or Ken some day. Guess we all like to think we’re going to age very gracefully and not end up being unable to take care of ourselves. My mom keeps saying to me over and over again that she never wanted to do this to me. This definitely was not my parents’ dream or Ken’s mom’s dream.
I saw an interesting article in the November issue of Health Magazine regarding creating a Family Health Tree
This really makes a lot of sense to me, especially now, since we’re going through all our health issues with our parents. It’s a real eye opener to realize that we could end up having some of the same problems that our parents are facing right now.
My mother’s mother passed away when she was 76. If she had lived to be my mom’s age (85) she probably would have been every bit as bad with her back as my mom is right now. I also had a back problem (spondeliothesis & stenosis) which I had corrected with surgery a year ago. After seeing what my mom was going through, I vowed I would do everything possible not to go through the same thing.
Sometimes it’s hard to find out information about our family’s past health history. My mother-in-law knows nothing about her family health history. I do feel knowing about the family health history can be a help in preventing the same problems occurring in ourselves and our children.
5 days left!
Thursday, November 29
Dad finally received his discharge date from the rehab center…5 more days. He can’t wait to get home…was all choked up when he was told he could finally go home. I’m sure it had to feel like an eternity for him…it will be 7 weeks this Tuesday since his accident.
The bad thing is that the orthopedic doctor only wants him to put 50% of his weight on his bad leg for 3 weeks and then 75% for 2 weeks and then 100% after that. I’m obviously very nervous about him coming home with his leg not totally healed, but I could not let him stay at the rehab center any longer. He would have totally been bummed out and maybe even made a break for it.
I have to admit I’m rather surprised he’s able to go home this soon after the orthopedic doctor’s update on his progress. He keeps talking about different things he plans to do when he gets home. I keep telling him the first week home, he’s going to sit in his reclining chair or use the power wheel chair to get around. He’s already talking about going grocery shopping in 2 weeks. I told him I didn’t think so, but he just kind of ignored me
Who’s the parent?
I’m beginning to feel more and more like the parent, rather than the other way around. They seem to be more and more childlike as they become more dependent on us. My mom basically won’t do anything without asking me first. But, yet some things that are so bazaar, she’ll do and not think twice about it.
She has her good and bad days…just like all of us. But, I feel so frustrated when she has one of her bad days. Today was just one of those days. She had to have anything that needed to be done, right that minute … could not wait. We just clashed all day long. She was negative about everything and anything that we talked about. Of course, this is nothing new, as I’ve discussed in the past. She will never change and I know it, but I still don’t think anyone should go through life expecting only bad things will happen. I drive my mom crazy with my optimism. She can’t understand how she can have a daughter so the opposite of her. Well the truth is that I refuse to go through life thinking my glass is always half empty. My glass is always at least half full!!
It’s so tough watching a parent going downhill before your eyes
Ken’s mom also has her good and bad days. These past 7 weeks were very hard on her as well. She didn’t come with my mom and me when we visited my dad. She stayed behind and kept herself busy either with some chores, reading or sleeping. But, we noticed her memory is getting worse. She asked me twice when we were going to eat our Thanksgiving dinner after it already happened.
Each time I told her, it took her a few minutes to remember and when she did she was so disgusted with herself. I order medication for her and she keeps asking me to order the same thing over and over again. It’s amazing and scary how quickly her memory is going downhill.
We started the process of liquidating my parents’ assets so that they qualify for the JAAC program. I hate doing this, but it’s the only way they will qualify for any assistance. Home care is not covered by their long term insurance and could become very costly for them and totally wipe them out without ever going into a nursing home. We’re trying to protect them as much as we possibly can.
Tags: November Diary