March Blog Entries
It’s heartbreaking watching Ken’s mother
Monday, March 10
Well, Ken and I just got home from visiting his Mom. It has been a major nightmare for her and totally heartbreaking for us. After being at the rehab facility for the second time, she just doesn’t want to be there and wants to come home so badly.
She’s been going back and forth between reality and non-reality. Tonight she told us about a person that was so mean to her and said she can’t bear to stay there anymore and that she’s so afraid. She wants to take off a week to see how it goes and hopes her job will still be there. We kind of think that she’s referring to her therapy sessions. She’s in an acute therapy facility and it’s probably too much for her. She thinks they are mean to her because they make her work so hard.
It’s so hard to avoid self-pity
I’m backtracking from here. So much has happened with our parents that it’s almost impossible to keep up with my entries. Ken and I both go on our self-pity trips, which I guess is kind of normal. Luckily, if I’m feeling really down, Ken has been there for me and can bring me out of it. The same thing with Ken when he’s feeling down. So far, we haven’t been totally depressed together…that one is not good!!
One thing that is so hard to accept is that our parents never had to care for elderly parents. In their mid-sixties my parents were still very independent and leading normal lives and not having to care for anyone.
That wasn’t the way it was though for Ken’s mom. Her life at that point in time was not easy. Her husband (Ken’s Dad) had a bad stroke and was not able to care for himself for many years before he went into a nursing home. She visited him every day at the nursing home and took care of him as much as she could during that time. She never got over his death.
For Ken and I we have a very difficult time getting away just to visit our children and grandchildren, let alone taking a trip together. With spring and summer approaching, I think we’ll all feel better…just being able to get outdoors and take walks and go swimming for some R&R. That sounds really great! It will even help my parents. They hate being housebound and I can’t blame them. It would drive me crazy!
Please don’t get me wrong by everything I’m saying above…I’m just venting. Ken and I both want to keep our parents home as long as it is humanly possible. We think it’s the right thing to do. We hate the thought of them having to sit in a nursing home for the rest of their lives.
It’s not bad when the residents are able to socialize and interact with one another…it’s just when they get to the point that all they do is sit and stare, it’s so sad. Getting old is definitely not a fun thing for most of us!
At last… progress!
Well, now that I’m done venting, back to Ken’s mom. She spent almost a week in the hospital. She had her good days and her bad days. She was transported to a local rehab facility for therapy. The day she was transported, it was such a miserable day, weather wise. I think she was very frightened when she arrived at the rehab center…she just didn’t know what was going on.
I met her there and she was crying when I got there. We got her calmed down and settled in and she seemed to be accepting everything. When Ken and I visited her at the rehab facility for the very first time, she was in the gym watching a dog training show. We both were so happy to see her there and participating in something. She went to therapy every day and really seemed to be improving and for the most part seemed to be relatively happy and looking forward to getting well enough to come home.
A turn for the worse
She was at the rehab center for at least a week or more and then she took a turn for the worse. We got a call from the rehab center that they were taking her to the ER because she was not responding to them. Well, if you can believe this, Ken had another out-patient surgical procedure done that very same morning as his mother was being taken to the ER.
Of course, Ken could not be with his mother after just having a surgical procedure done. Can you believe it? Both times that Ken had a surgical procedure done were the times that his mom had to be sent to the ER. I think that is really strange! Anyhow, she was in pretty bad shape when I got there. She was constantly trying to clean imaginary objects.
They, of course, did a lot of tests, including a CT scan. She did not have a full-blown stroke, but something they referred to as an event. Anyhow, it was enough that it really set her back, big time! She spent another week in the hospital. During her stay this time, she became very uncooperative and belligerent with the nurses.
She never remembered being in the ER and didn’t seem to remember our visits from one day to the next. It was extremely hard for her to communicate early on during this hospitalization. She seemed to get a little better after a few days.
Her doctor told us that she has a lot of different problems going on. She’s been on Coumadin (anti-coagulant) for years because of her irregular heart beat. She’s been on this medication to prevent having a stroke. But, she had to come off this drug, because of the brain hemorrhage. So, now they are having a major problem with her blood. Without the Coumadin, she most likely will develop blood clots, but with it she’ll have possible bleeding in her brain. Then on top of that the arteries on both sides of her neck are 50% clogged. So, she has some major problems.
Back to rehab - but it’s not working out
The rehab facility where she was prior to this hospitalization did readmit her as an acute therapy patient. She hated being in the hospital and couldn’t wait to get out. We told her she was going back for therapy and that she would feel better. Well, this time, her brain is so messed up that she doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not. We never know which Genevieve is going to show up when we visit her. She’s been at the rehab facility one week now and has to have someone sit with her around the clock because she wants to keep getting up, won’t eat and doesn’t want to take her medication. At this point, it brings us pretty much up to date.
More evaluation concerns
Tuesday, March 11
The rehab facility is having an evaluation of her to determine whether she stays in acute therapy. Ken called them this morning to more or less give them our input to her situation. We both feel she should be moved out of acute therapy and transported to a sub-acute facility. Hopefully, she’ll be a little more accepting of it.
It’s so hard to see her so unhappy. She wants to come home so badly, but there is no way she’s well enough to come home for even 24/7 homecare. This is hard on both of us, but especially more so for Ken. It’s totally different when it’s your own mother or father going through these horrible times. You want what is totally best for them and you don’t want to see them unhappy.
Getting back to my dad… his general practitioner had him get a regular X-ray on his back after his fall (the day before Genevieve went into the hospital) and then we went to his orthopedic doctor who treated his broken femur. I was so afraid he reinjured his hip again. His orthopedic doctor sent him for a CT scan of his lower back, which showed he had a compression fracture of one of his lower vertebras.
He just went for an MRI to see if they can do a procedure called a vertebralplasty (I think that’s right) on him. This is a minor procedure, where they shoot in some sort of cement to repair the fracture. Sometimes the patient has instant pain relief and sometimes it takes a little longer.
My dad is really hoping and looking forward to having this procedure done. Other than his pain in his back, he is doing relatively well at this point in time and looking forward to doing some chores again. He’s been helping my mom more and more. They help each other as much as they can.
Mom has her good and bad days. Some days her back bothers her more than other days. She no longer has therapy at the house. The allowable amount of time has run out, but it was very valuable to her. She knows she has to do her exercises to keep her from getting worse. She’s bent over worse than ever and cannot take any kind of stress whatsoever.
Her occupational therapist would like to see her get some pool therapy this summer. I’m hoping we can do this for her. My mother used to love the water, but is fearful of it now. I do know that as warmer weather comes, she will definitely feel better. My mom and dad both love to sit outside on their deck and just enjoy being outdoors. I think spring makes us all feel better!
Later today we should know what the prognosis is for Ken’s mom. Right now she’s the hardest one to deal with. We really do hope that she can get well enough to come back home again… she wants that so badly.
In the meantime, life does have to go on as usual. Ken and I are both still working, so we need to work around all our personal problems with our parents as best as we can.
Another set back
Ken received a call this afternoon from the rehab facility that his mom had been transported back to the hospital ER again. She was unresponsive, had a fever and a lot of congestion. When we arrived at the ER, she didn’t talk at all and was asleep most of the time. Occasionally she kind of had her eyes open and just looked like she felt totally miserable. She was diagnosed with pneumonia and also a urinary tract infection. They admitted her to the hospital later that night.
The next day she appeared to be very feverish and again unresponsive for most of the time we were with her. I believe she did say a few things, but not very much. All we could really do that day was hold her hands and let her know we were there.
Two days after she was admitted there was a big improvement. She was sitting up and looking so much better. She was able to converse with us again, but kept asking the same question over and over again. She still is constantly talking about events that are either not real or are from the past. We were hoping that by some small miracle her mind could start coming back again. But, we don’t think that is going to happen.
They had to move her to another room at the hospital, because she needed a care companion to stay with her around the clock. So, she is now in a room with another patient who has similar problems. Ken’s mom also has big mittens on her hands so that she can’t pull out her IV and other tubes. She hates having them on and just doesn’t understand what she was doing to herself. She still is not eating and has lost another 5 lbs, making it a total of 15 lbs she has lost.
Researching nursing homes - it’s not fun
Ken and I have been checking out various nursing home facilities and we found one that is very bright and cheery when you walk in. We realize that the most important thing about the nursing homes is the staff. That, unfortunately, we won’t know anything about until we have his mother in the nursing home for a while.
She’ll initially be going into the nursing home as a sub-acute rehab patient. But, we think the reality of the situation is that she may be staying at the home permanently. As much as we would like to bring her home, we think it’s just not possible. She can’t do anything for herself, including eating. We know when she is feeling better she’ll be begging us to bring her home. She just doesn’t realize how sick and bad she actually is.
Hope for dad
My dad is going for his vertebralplasty tomorrow morning. Of course, with every procedure, there are usually several tests to have done before the actual procedure. After having a regular x-ray on his back, he then needed a CT scan. From there he went to the doctor that does the actual vertebralplasty. That doctor sent him for an MRI to see if he was a candidate for the procedure. After finding out he can have the procedure done, he then had to go for blood work. So now, here we are the day before the procedure. He’s hoping beyond hope that his pain will be gone. He has not slept in a bed in about 5 weeks. He’s tried a couple of times, but once he gets in bed he can’t get out.
I dread every time he needs a surgical procedure done because of his diabetes. He can’t eat in the morning, so I’m hoping that he doesn’t have one of those mornings where his blood sugar is low.
Of course, every time my dad has to go to a doctor or have any kind of procedure done, my mom gets herself all upset from worrying. They always went together to each other’s doctor appointments or procedures. So now it’s hard for my mom not to be with my dad.
I’m increasingly worried about mom
Mom has been doing her exercises that her occupational therapist had given her. I think she does realize that if she doesn’t keep herself active, both physically and mentally, she will go downhill much faster. I noticed today, especially, that when she walks, she’s bent over more than ever. I think her head is even below her waist when she walks. I think she would give anything to be able to stand up straight and walk normally again. Every time I ask her if she wants anything from the store, she always tells me a new back. I feel so badly for her, because she was a very active woman who loved the outdoors.
Today is dad’s procedure
Tuesday, March 18
Well, here we are the morning of Dad’s vertebralplasty. We got lucky this morning… his blood sugar was 160 at 5am. I feel pretty good about that. I was so afraid he was going to have one of those mornings with a reading below 80. I have to say this was a fairly smooth morning for having a surgical procedure. Everything was right on time… he just had to wait a little extra for the doctor to arrive. He came through the procedure with no problems and virtually has no pain. I’m sure he’ll be pretty sore where they inserted the actual cement, but other than that, we’re hoping for a full recovery (no pain in the lower back).
My fear now is once he’s feeling pretty normal, that he’ll get himself into trouble again… his balance isn’t the greatest. His mind wants to do as he always did when he was younger. Hope his body agrees with his mind.
Of course, Mom was worried sick about my dad this morning. But, she also got through it with no major trauma. I still have to make an appointment for Mom to have a renal ultrasound. I’m dreading that! Mom does not do well with any kind of procedure, because she can’t lay flat. I’m trying to make sure I have a clear calendar before even attempting it.
Ken’s mom is not doing well
As for Genevieve, Ken’s mom, it’s not good. Last night when we saw her, she looked like she went through a major battle. Her hair was totally a mess, her gown was half down her arms and her covers were half off the bed. Her thumb was out of her mittens and she was pleading to get the mittens off. Again, it appeared that she didn’t eat her dinner. I’m not so sure I could have eaten it either. It was all pureed food…mashed potatoes, spinach (a green glob) and probably meat (a brown glob). Guess she’s now having a hard time getting her food down.
She did have an MRI yesterday, but they did not have a record of the results yet. She does recognize both Ken and me, but cannot remember our names. She does not know where she is staying and still cannot remember anything that she said after 5 minutes or so. When we tell her how sick she was, she’s always so amazed. We think she doesn’t remember our visits from one day to the next, but she’s always so happy to see us. The nurse told us that she still does not have any discharge date from the hospital.
It’s always an adventure to go visit her. We just don’t know which Genevieve is going to greet us. It’s so sad and depressing.
Old age isn’t for sissies
It seems like when the majority of elderly people reach a certain age, that all they do is go to doctors, have tests and take a lot of medications. My grandmother is one of the fortunate ones. She’s now 95, going on 96 and I feel she’s really in great shape. She’s feeling very put-upon right now, because her 97 year old sister is in a nursing home. My grandmother, along with one of her sister’s friends, has been cleaning out her house. Plus, my grandmother visits her sister every day at the nursing home and tries to encourage her to eat and participate in the activities at the home. So now, my grandmother is feeling the stress of all this. This is not good for a 95 year old person. I’m hoping that this doesn’t hurt her!
Easters are a lot different now
Wednesday, March 26
Can’t believe Easter has come and gone! The past few years Easter has been very different for us. Years ago it was filled with lots of excitement and anticipation… coloring Easter eggs with the grandkids, Easter egg hunts, going to church Easter morning and, of course, Easter Brunch!
The past few years have been very quiet, as our parents aren’t able to travel and our children and grandchildren now spend Easter at their own homes. We still go to church on Easter morning, but it’s now just Ken and me. This year my dad’s birthday was also on Easter. So, we had a double celebration. He turned 85 and I told him he has to start thinking young. Guess it’s kind of hard when you hurt all over.
Catching up on the parents
Well, again, let me backtrack to catch up on how our parents are doing. My dad had his vertebralplasty last week and was pain-free when he first got home. But, by the time I got home from work that night, he was in a lot of pain again. The anesthesia wore off and I think the pain he was feeling was more from the actual procedure. The next day he was pretty good, but not totally pain-free.
The third night after the procedure he did sleep in the bed for the first time since the beginning of February and was able to get out of bed by himself. His back is not totally pain-free, but it might gradually improve. He goes for an x-ray of his back tomorrow and then back to the doctor next week. We’ll have a better idea at that time what his prognosis will be.
My mom has been kind of status quo. She’s not in good shape, but she realizes that not too much can be done about her problems. Most of her health issues are all related to her back. She doesn’t go out very much any more, because it’s too difficult for her. I try to get her to do some of her exercises that the occupational and physical therapists had given her. She does do some of them, but gets tired and discouraged very easily. I’ve also been trying to get her interested in some games and puzzles to keep her mind challenged.
As for Ken’s mom, Genevieve, she’s another story. She was discharged from the hospital March 19th around 8pm. We went to see her early that night before she was discharged to prepare her for the move to the nursing home. She was in pretty good spirits, but, of course, her mind was very much the same. We kept telling her over and over that she was leaving the hospital that night and going to a new place for physical therapy. We were hoping beyond hope that she would remember, but of course, she didn’t.
Transition to the nursing home didn’t go well
The next day, Ken got a call from the nursing home to tell him his mother was there and settled in. But, the night she arrived, she was extremely combative and screaming for Ken. The next morning they found her on the floor…she fell out of bed. I went to see her that afternoon to make sure she was calm and not too confused.
But, by the time I got there, she was perfectly ok. She was dressed in her clothes again and looked so much better. We took turns going to see her for the next couple of days and she seemed to be doing ok.
She seemed more mellow and talking a lot, but no longer agitated. Again, she talked about the same things over and over again and asked the same questions many times. Seems like this is how her mind is going to work…not remembering anything for more than a few minutes.
Saturday, Ken and I both went to see her later in the afternoon. We happened to catch her at dinnertime. But, we were really quite surprised by her reaction to us. She’s always been so animated and happy to see us. But, this time, she actually didn’t utter one word to us and we’re not sure if she knew us…we think she did.
Ken and I fed her dinner and managed to get her to eat a fair amount of food, but when it came to her dessert, she started to fall asleep. The health aide told us that she had a very busy day and was probably just worn out. So, we said our goodbyes to her for the day and were hoping beyond hope that tomorrow would be a better day.
Improved
When we went back to see her on Sunday, she was much improved. She was very happy to see us as usual and was talking a lot. She still seemed subdued, but that’s ok…it’s much better than seeing her in an agitated state.
Monday night, I think, she seemed almost like her normal self with the exception of her mind only being able to remember things for a few minutes. She was sitting in her wheelchair eating an apple, when we came in. She even had her fingernails painted. Couldn’t believe it! She really looked great.
Before she had her stroke, she had to have an apple every day. She seemed to remember how much she enjoyed her apples. She talked about her afternoon activity over and over again. We always ask her what she had for dinner or if she had a good night’s sleep and she can never remember.
Another Twist
Well, the next day was unbelievable again! Ken had an outpatient procedure done to break up his kidney stone for the second time. So, I’m thinking to myself, “Are we going to get through this without his mom going to the Emergency Room?” We made it through the day without any phone calls, so we’re assuming his mom didn’t have to go to the ER today.
Ken was not feeling well enough to visit his mom last night, so I went the usual time. When I saw Genevieve, I couldn’t believe it. She was in a lounge chair in her pajamas and had two brush burn marks on her forehead. The nurse could see how shocked I was and said they put a call into us. I told her no one ever reached us.
Anyhow, she tried to stand up that morning and fell down. They had to take her to the “Emergency Room” and thankfully they didn’t have to admit her. We thought we made it through Ken’s procedure this time without his mom going into the hospital, but we didn’t! I just think this is the most bazaar thing! She almost senses when her son is having some procedure done and ends up being in the hospital herself.
So, we’ve pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that his mom is going to have her good days and her bad days. She just can’t remember that she’s not well and can’t get up and just walk around like she always did. It’s still an adventure every time we go to visit her.
A pleasant surprise
Friday, March 28
Yesterday I took Mom and Dad for x-rays. I’ve been putting off Mom’s x-ray, because any type of procedure for her is very difficult. I finally decided to bite the bullet and made an appointment for both of them to have their x-rays done at the same time. That has its good and bad points. They both really need me with them whenever they are having a procedure done.
But, this time Dad thought he would be ok, which he was. So, I went with Mom for her ultrasound of her kidneys. The technician was so caring and nice to my mom. Between the technician and me we were able to maneuver Mom around enough for the ultrasound. Anytime Mom has to get up on an exam table and lie flat, it’s a major problem. But, I think she did better than usual this time. Usually an event like this will totally exhaust her, but this time she didn’t mind it at all.
Ken went to see his mom Thursday night, but she was sound asleep when he got there. He tried to wake her up, but had no success. The nurse did tell him that she had an hour and a half of therapy that day and was probably why she was all worn out. Plus, she was up all night.
The night before she slept until 10pm and then was awake all night. The nurse told Ken that she has her group of people who don’t sleep at night at the nurse’s station every night. Amazingly, she said they talk to one another. I guess they have their own way of communicating, because she said she had no idea what they were talking about.
Then last night, Ken again went to see his mom. This time she was awake and again was in her own little world. She always knows Ken and is happy to see him. But, when she talks it’s always about something that is a total fantasy. She still doesn’t remember what she ate or even that she had therapy, which she did that day. It’s just amazing how her brain works! It’s always an adventure going to visit Genevieve!