Elder Care Diary

Up and down
Thursday, May 15

I’m happy to say that our parents have not had any major problems since my last entry.

Genevieve, Ken’s mom, had been improving by leaps and bounds and really had us thinking that she might have a chance to come home.  She kept asking us about coming home and saying that she thought she was doing a lot better.  Of course, we would keep telling her that she had to keep working hard with her physical therapy and get a lot stronger before she could come home.

It seemed like she improved mentally to a certain level and then started to go backwards, not a lot, but just enough that we noticed she wasn’t quite as sharp. We had a really hard time determining whether she was walking on her own or not.  She’d, of course, tell us that she walks all over, but we never saw her walk and saw no walker for her to use.

She usually will fixate on something that she’s upset about when we come in to visit her.  One time she was very upset about one of her nurses or aides.  We were never able to figure out who she was referring to, but she kept saying that she doesn’t think they like her.  She finally admitted that she wasn’t her normal self earlier and that probably was part of the problem.  She said she didn’t complain to that person anymore and that everything was ok now.

Dealing with complaints

She also is a very private person and doesn’t like it when the male aides help her with her personal needs or problems.  She had been complaining to us so much about various things that we finally had to call social services to go over all her problems and concerns.  Initially, we had a very hard time getting to speak to someone who could give us some answers to her problems.  But, once we were able to speak to the proper person, they took care of all her issues.

One thing in particular that is kind of funny is that she always loved her breads and pastries.  And, for some reason or other, they had marked down on her diet preferences that she dislikes bread.  Genevieve finally asked us why we told them that she doesn’t like bread.  Of course, Ken and I never said anything about that.  Most likely, when she was way out of it, she probably kept refusing bread and they assumed she didn’t like it.  Now, she finally is getting her bread again and is really enjoying it.

We feel so bad for Ken’s mom

When we did speak to the woman from social services, she basically told us that Genevieve was not able to care for herself.  She is not able to walk by herself and she cannot use the bathroom facilities without the assistance of an aide.  This got to be a real problem for her.  Her legs started to retain a lot of fluid and the nurses were afraid that she might end up with cellulitis.

So, the doctor prescribed a diuretic to get rid of the excess fluid.  She didn’t understand why she was going to the bathroom so much and kept telling us that something had to be done to correct her problem.  She kept soiling herself and this really upset her big-time!  Well, of course, they did tell her about taking the medication to get rid of the swelling in her legs, but she didn’t remember it.

Anyhow, Ken finally asked the nurse about her using Depends to help her with the incontinence.  The nurse said it was a great idea, but it was extra for them to supply them.  We were just amazed that they didn’t use something similar to Depends so she wouldn’t soil herself.  We went out and purchased Depends and hopefully, that will be the end of that problem for her.

On the very positive side, she has finally started to go to different activities.  In the beginning, she wouldn’t participate in anything.  So, we are happy that she is now participating in some social functions.  They do provide quite a few different activities at the nursing home for their residents.

It is going to be a long haul for Ken’s mom and for us

We have been visiting her every day since her initial stroke.  We only missed visiting her one time since February 7.  During the week, Ken and I take turns going to see her and on the weekends we go together.  It is difficult for us, but it does mean so very much to Ken’s mom.

My dad is doing real well.  He’s had no major problem since his back episode.  I’m really afraid to get too relaxed about his situation, because he’s very susceptible to a fall or a diabetic episode of some sort.

I did just take him to see the dermatologist about a small growth behind his ear.  The dermatologist removed the growth to have a biopsy done.  The dermatologist said it is definitely skin cancer, but needs to have it sent out for biopsy to see exactly what type of skin cancer it is.  So, we’ll know in a couple of weeks what he needs to have done next.

My mom is basically the same.  Dad woke me up earlier this week to help with Mom in the middle of the night.  She had diarrhea and some throwing up and was quite sick with it.  Any time she gets any kind of an intestinal episode, it’s much worse for her than it is for the rest of us.

I think she was probably on the toilet for a good hour or so and from being so bent over she felt like she couldn’t breathe.  I think she thought she was having a heart attack.  But, luckily, after about 2 hours, the diarrhea and throwing up subsided and she was able to go back to sleep.

Other than that, her health has pretty much stayed the same.  I think she is getting weaker, but that probably goes with her condition.  I feel so bad for my mom.  She wants to be outside working in the gardens and walking around so badly, but she just can’t do it.

Life is such a wonderful gift

It’s so hard watching our parents’ health deteriorate before our very eyes and not being able to do anything about it.  We know it’s a natural process, but seems so hard and depressing on them and us, as well.  I guess in our minds we will always feel that we haven’t aged, but realize it’s the physical deterioration of our bodies that prevents us from doing things that we always used to do.

I just signed up this week for Social Security, can’t believe it!  But, in talking with the woman during my interview, I told her that we have my parents living with us and she said to me how lucky I am, at my age, to still have my parents.  And, she is totally right!

Anyhow, I just want to let everyone know how important it is to live every moment of our lives to the fullest and enjoy everything and everyone around us while we can.  Life is great and such a wonderful gift, even when it’s tough going!