Tuesday, June 3

Can’t believe that summer is practically here.  Thank goodness!  It sure is welcomed at our household!  My parents hate being shut in the house during the cold winter months.  Even some of the nice spring days that we had, my mom felt it was too cold to go outside.  She must have extremely poor blood circulation!

We built them a deck off of the back of their living room that has a beautiful view and is also in an extremely peaceful and serene area.  Their deck looks out over an open field that has 2 baseball fields that are used about once a week by the church during the spring and summer months.  They can watch the geese, humming birds and butterflies when there is no activity at the ball fields.  The church behind us plays their church chimes at noontime and at 6:00pm, which they enjoy a lot.  Anyhow, they do enjoy their deck during the warmer weather. 

My parents are getting more and more frail, but holding their own

I took my dad to the skin doctor last Friday to have his cancerous growth removed.  The doctor did it right in his office and Dad didn’t seem to mind it at all.  He’s on antibiotics now and we just have to make sure that he doesn’t get an infection.  He has a couple of routine doctor appointments coming up, but nothing major.

As for my mother, I took her to her general doctor for some problems she was having.  Mom has become extremely weak and has a very hard time getting around when she goes to any of her doctor appointments.  I am very seriously considering checking on a doctor in our area that makes house calls to patients that are homebound.  It’s really a major problem for someone like my mother to try to maneuver themselves around in a doctor’s office and it’s also very embarrassing for them.  I know my mom thinks everyone is looking at her and thinking how awful she looks.  I try to tell her otherwise, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

A return to therapy for my mother

My mother’s doctor felt it would be good for her to have more occupational & physical therapy.  It seems like the moment she stopped with her therapy this past winter, she started to get weaker and weaker.  She tried to do some of the exercises on her own, but didn’t seem to have the willpower to do them religiously. 

The occupational therapist came to the house to do a reevaluation of Mom this morning.  I’m hoping it will motivate her a little more and possibly help her get around a little bit better.  She grumbles when they make her do the exercises.  But, the minute that she no longer has the therapy, she misses them.  I want to do everything I can for her to keep her out of a nursing home, because she will be in total agony if she has to leave home.  She needs constant attention and she will not get that in a nursing home.

Ken’s mom, Genevieve, is making a miraculous recovery

Unfortunately, she still is not well enough to come home.  We know in her mind, she thinks she is ok and going to come home and do work around the house like she always did.  She even said to us that she’ll go up and down the stairs on her butt.

We are going to have a family conference with her social worker, nurse and therapists to see how realistic it is to bring her home.  Her apartment is upstairs at our house, which is a problem.  Ken and I have some very serious thinking to do on how to handle her coming back home.  We almost don’t want her initially to go back upstairs to her apartment, because she won’t have any way of getting around to visit with my parents or being able to have meals with us, etc. 

Ken and I are scared to death

We realize how desperately she wants to come home.  But, the reality of this is that Ken and I are scared to death to have her come back home.  It’s going to be a major burden on all of us and we just don’t know if we’re able to handle all of this.  Right now we are taking each day at a time with her.  She’s reading her books on a regular daily basis again, which is wonderful!  She is also now able to have her meals in the main dining room downstairs at the health center, which she thoroughly enjoys.

Our visits with Genevieve usually consist of being told about any major problem she’s had for the day.  Usually, whatever problem she’s having is totally magnified in her mind.  It had been quite consistently about her incontinence problem.  She had herself convinced no one else in the facility had this embarrassing problem that she had.  Then finally one day, she noticed that one of the other patients did have the same problem.  Since that has happened she hasn’t been quite as bad, but she still hates for it to happen to her. 

Her other problem she fixates on is her hearing aid.  She makes sure we take it out every night before we leave.  The other night, according to her, she had a problem with one of the aides about not having her hearing aid in her ear.  Again, since she can’t hear or grasp half of what is being said to her, she magnifies the problem in her mind.  So, when Ken visited her last night, most of the conversation was geared toward that problem.

I guess on a positive note, Genevieve doesn’t really understand or know how long she has been sick.  This is a very good thing, because by nature, she is a very impatient person and would have gone totally bonkers if she knew she had to be in a nursing facility so long for her recovery period.

The reality of getting old

Tuesday, June 24

Can’t believe it’s been so long since my last entry!  I was driving past our bank the other week and noticed there was an ambulance and police car next to a little house where we do our banking.  I felt so bad and started to tear up when I saw that.

There is an elderly couple that lives in this little house (cottage).  I only know this because I would watch them when I was sitting at the drive-up teller, which faces right into their house.  The couple would sometimes be taking groceries into their home, or tending their flowers or the elderly man would be cutting their grass.  They were a couple much like my parents.

Well, I just felt so bad for them because now their lives would never be the same again.  I don’t know these people and it should not have affected me the way it did.  I guess I’ve developed a real soft spot in my heart for seeing elderly people getting sick and having to give up life as they previously knew it.  It really is very sad to think what they have to give up.

I see my parents going down hill right in front of my eyes and I can’t do a thing about it.  I try, but the reality of it is that nature has to take its course.  My mother is constantly saying to me of late that she should just kick the bucket.  I hate it when she talks like that. 

She has been getting weaker and weaker and I think she is just plain tired of her whole situation.  I can’t blame her, but she still has to make the best of her life.  She’s now getting up about 4 times a night to go to the bathroom, which she cannot do by herself.  So not only is she not getting any sleep during the night, but neither is my father.  I know they both think they don’t sleep during the day, but they do.  They have to get their sleep sometime!

My dad is also now complaining about his back bothering him again, which I know is from him pulling my mother up all the time.  This is getting to be a real problem and don’t know how we are going to address this problem.  If Dad continues to pull my mother up out of bed and chairs, he will be in bad shape, as well, again. 

So fortunate to have each other

The occupational therapist is still coming to the house two times a week and that is a very good thing.  She observes the two of them interacting as a couple.  She continually tells my dad not to be pulling my mom up.  For some reason she can’t seem to get herself up anymore.  There for a while she was doing a great job.  I think that since Dad has gotten better, she went back to her old ways and is relying on him a lot again.  She doesn’t realize she’s doing it.  Plus, Dad totally babies her and will do absolutely anything for her.  My mother and father are so lucky and fortunate to still have each other.

I went to Pennsylvania last week to pick up my grandmother and bring her back to our home to stay with us for a few days.  She’s also been having a rough time.  Thankfully, she’s very healthy for a 96 year old woman.  She has her 97 year old sister’s home to get ready to be sold.  The whole process has been extremely hard for her.  She goes in to see her sister every day at the nursing home, plus still tries to do all her normal daily activities that she always did.  Anyhow, it was a nice change for her, as well as for the rest of us to have her visiting with us a few days. 

As for Genevieve, Ken and I go to visit with her every day.  She wants to desperately come home.  We did have our family conference and were basically told that she will always need 24/7 care.  To look at her sitting in her wheelchair, you’d think that she could handle herself without any problem.  But the reality of it is that she needs verbal prompting for so many things.  Even with her eating she has to be reminded to double swallow so that she doesn’t choke on her food.  She needs help with virtually anything that she does.

The other day I saw her walk with her walker for the first time.  She took off at a real fast pace with the nurse running after her and trying to tell her to slow down.  She was always real fast in everything that she ever did.  But, with that fast motion, she is not thinking and not in control.  The only time that she uses the walker is in a group exercise class.  The instructor walks with each of the residents a couple of times around the room.  Other than that time, she is confined to her wheel chair.

She still has incontinence issues and will always have that problem as long as she’s on the diuretic medication to get rid of the fluid in her legs.  Her memory is much better, but she still has a lot of problems.  The other day she called Ken by his formal name, Kenneth.  After his name came out of her mouth, she asked him if that was his real name.  There is a lot that she cannot remember.

We still plan to bring Ken’s mom home

But, despite all her problems, we are definitely going to bring her home to see if we can handle her.  Ken has started preparing her for coming home by telling her certain issues she’ll have to face and also the possibility she might not be able to handle staying at home.  Of course, this now is getting her very anxious.  She’s not able to handle anything too stressful, which is totally understandable.  My parents can’t handle anything other than their normal day-to-day routine.  I don’t think this is an uncommon emotion among a lot of the elderly people.

The other day when I was visiting with her she had a major problem to tell me about, at least it was in her mind.  She started out by saying, “I have something to tell you, but don’t know how to tell you.”  Well, every time she starts out a conversation like that, I brace myself for the absolutely worse scenario.  I’m thinking, how bad can this be…she’s in a nursing home.

Her problem was that she had a toothache and didn’t know what to do about it.  She was suffering with it several days (which is something she always did when she had a problem) and finally it got so bad she had to tell me.  The unfortunate thing about all of this is the dentist for the nursing home comes once a month and he was just there!

Well, her dentist was more than willing to come to the nursing home to check her mouth, but he doesn’t have privileges at the nursing home.  So, now we’ll probably have to take her to her dentist and he’ll have to check her in the car, because there is absolutely no way for her to get into his office.  I think this is ridiculous that a dentist can’t come into a nursing facility when a patient has a major tooth ache.  It just doesn’t seem fair to the residents!  Ken and I are constantly learning new problems that have to be dealt with every day.

Putting in an insurance claim

Ken just contacted her long term care insurance company to start filling out all the paperwork for her nursing home care.  Her Medicare coverage will be exhausted as of tomorrow.  We have to say they did cover her for a long period of time.  Between her secondary insurance and Medicare coverage, it was extremely helpful.  I just started to fill out her paperwork for her long term care insurance yesterday, when I received a phone call from the nursing home informing us that all of her benefits were expiring in a couple of days and to expect a bill shortly.  Boy, they sure don’t waste any time.  We realize that they need to do this, but it’s just kind of like a reality check as to Genevieve’s status going forward. 

Tuesday, June 24

Can’t believe it’s been so long since my last entry!  I was driving past our bank the other week and noticed there was an ambulance and police car next to a little house where we do our banking.  I felt so bad and started to tear up when I saw that.

There is an elderly couple that lives in this little house (cottage).  I only know this because I would watch them when I was sitting at the drive-up teller, which faces right into their house.  The couple would sometimes be taking groceries into their home, or tending their flowers or the elderly man would be cutting their grass.  They were a couple much like my parents.

Well, I just felt so bad for them because now their lives would never be the same again.  I don’t know these people and it should not have affected me the way it did.  I guess I’ve developed a real soft spot in my heart for seeing elderly people getting sick and having to give up life as they previously knew it.  It really is very sad to think what they have to give up.

I see my parents going down hill right in front of my eyes and I can’t do a thing about it.  I try, but the reality of it is that nature has to take its course.  My mother is constantly saying to me of late that she should just kick the bucket.  I hate it when she talks like that. 

She has been getting weaker and weaker and I think she is just plain tired of her whole situation.  I can’t blame her, but she still has to make the best of her life.  She’s now getting up about 4 times a night to go to the bathroom, which she cannot do by herself.  So not only is she not getting any sleep during the night, but neither is my father.  I know they both think they don’t sleep during the day, but they do.  They have to get their sleep sometime!

My dad is also now complaining about his back bothering him again, which I know is from him pulling my mother up all the time.  This is getting to be a real problem and don’t know how we are going to address this problem.  If Dad continues to pull my mother up out of bed and chairs, he will be in bad shape, as well, again. 

So fortunate to have each other

The occupational therapist is still coming to the house two times a week and that is a very good thing.  She observes the two of them interacting as a couple.  She continually tells my dad not to be pulling my mom up.  For some reason she can’t seem to get herself up anymore.  There for a while she was doing a great job.  I think that since Dad has gotten better, she went back to her old ways and is relying on him a lot again.  She doesn’t realize she’s doing it.  Plus, Dad totally babies her and will do absolutely anything for her.  My mother and father are so lucky and fortunate to still have each other.

I went to Pennsylvania last week to pick up my grandmother and bring her back to our home to stay with us for a few days.  She’s also been having a rough time.  Thankfully, she’s very healthy for a 96 year old woman.  She has her 97 year old sister’s home to get ready to be sold.  The whole process has been extremely hard for her.  She goes in to see her sister every day at the nursing home, plus still tries to do all her normal daily activities that she always did.  Anyhow, it was a nice change for her, as well as for the rest of us to have her visiting with us a few days. 

As for Genevieve, Ken and I go to visit with her every day.  She wants to desperately come home.  We did have our family conference and were basically told that she will always need 24/7 care.  To look at her sitting in her wheelchair, you’d think that she could handle herself without any problem.  But the reality of it is that she needs verbal prompting for so many things.  Even with her eating she has to be reminded to double swallow so that she doesn’t choke on her food.  She needs help with virtually anything that she does.

The other day I saw her walk with her walker for the first time.  She took off at a real fast pace with the nurse running after her and trying to tell her to slow down.  She was always real fast in everything that she ever did.  But, with that fast motion, she is not thinking and not in control.  The only time that she uses the walker is in a group exercise class.  The instructor walks with each of the residents a couple of times around the room.  Other than that time, she is confined to her wheel chair.

She still has incontinence issues and will always have that problem as long as she’s on the diuretic medication to get rid of the fluid in her legs.  Her memory is much better, but she still has a lot of problems.  The other day she called Ken by his formal name, Kenneth.  After his name came out of her mouth, she asked him if that was his real name.  There is a lot that she cannot remember.

We still plan to bring Ken’s mom home

But, despite all her problems, we are definitely going to bring her home to see if we can handle her.  Ken has started preparing her for coming home by telling her certain issues she’ll have to face and also the possibility she might not be able to handle staying at home.  Of course, this now is getting her very anxious.  She’s not able to handle anything too stressful, which is totally understandable.  My parents can’t handle anything other than their normal day-to-day routine.  I don’t think this is an uncommon emotion among a lot of the elderly people.

The other day when I was visiting with her she had a major problem to tell me about, at least it was in her mind.  She started out by saying, “I have something to tell you, but don’t know how to tell you.”  Well, every time she starts out a conversation like that, I brace myself for the absolutely worse scenario.  I’m thinking, how bad can this be…she’s in a nursing home.

Her problem was that she had a toothache and didn’t know what to do about it.  She was suffering with it several days (which is something she always did when she had a problem) and finally it got so bad she had to tell me.  The unfortunate thing about all of this is the dentist for the nursing home comes once a month and he was just there!

Well, her dentist was more than willing to come to the nursing home to check her mouth, but he doesn’t have privileges at the nursing home.  So, now we’ll probably have to take her to her dentist and he’ll have to check her in the car, because there is absolutely no way for her to get into his office.  I think this is ridiculous that a dentist can’t come into a nursing facility when a patient has a major tooth ache.  It just doesn’t seem fair to the residents!  Ken and I are constantly learning new problems that have to be dealt with every day.

Putting in an insurance claim

Ken just contacted her long term care insurance company to start filling out all the paperwork for her nursing home care.  Her Medicare coverage will be exhausted as of tomorrow.  We have to say they did cover her for a long period of time.  Between her secondary insurance and Medicare coverage, it was extremely helpful.  I just started to fill out her paperwork for her long term care insurance yesterday, when I received a phone call from the nursing home informing us that all of her benefits were expiring in a couple of days and to expect a bill shortly.  Boy, they sure don’t waste any time.  We realize that they need to do this, but it’s just kind of like a reality check as to Genevieve’s status going forward. 

Thursday, May 15

I’m happy to say that our parents have not had any major problems since my last entry. 

Genevieve, Ken’s mom, had been improving by leaps and bounds and really had us thinking that she might have a chance to come home.  She kept asking us about coming home and saying that she thought she was doing a lot better.  Of course, we would keep telling her that she had to keep working hard with her physical therapy and get a lot stronger before she could come home.

It seemed like she improved mentally to a certain level and then started to go backwards, not a lot, but just enough that we noticed she wasn’t quite as sharp. We had a really hard time determining whether she was walking on her own or not.  She’d, of course, tell us that she walks all over, but we never saw her walk and saw no walker for her to use. 

She usually will fixate on something that she’s upset about when we come in to visit her.  One time she was very upset about one of her nurses or aides.  We were never able to figure out who she was referring to, but she kept saying that she doesn’t think they like her.  She finally admitted that she wasn’t her normal self earlier and that probably was part of the problem.  She said she didn’t complain to that person anymore and that everything was ok now. 

Dealing with complaints

She also is a very private person and doesn’t like it when the male aides help her with her personal needs or problems.  She had been complaining to us so much about various things that we finally had to call social services to go over all her problems and concerns.  Initially, we had a very hard time getting to speak to someone who could give us some answers to her problems.  But, once we were able to speak to the proper person, they took care of all her issues.

One thing in particular that is kind of funny is that she always loved her breads and pastries.  And, for some reason or other, they had marked down on her diet preferences that she dislikes bread.  Genevieve finally asked us why we told them that she doesn’t like bread.  Of course, Ken and I never said anything about that.  Most likely, when she was way out of it, she probably kept refusing bread and they assumed she didn’t like it.  Now, she finally is getting her bread again and is really enjoying it.

We feel so bad for Ken’s mom

When we did speak to the woman from social services, she basically told us that Genevieve was not able to care for herself.  She is not able to walk by herself and she cannot use the bathroom facilities without the assistance of an aide.  This got to be a real problem for her.  Her legs started to retain a lot of fluid and the nurses were afraid that she might end up with cellulitis.

So, the doctor prescribed a diuretic to get rid of the excess fluid.  She didn’t understand why she was going to the bathroom so much and kept telling us that something had to be done to correct her problem.  She kept soiling herself and this really upset her big-time!  Well, of course, they did tell her about taking the medication to get rid of the swelling in her legs, but she didn’t remember it.

Anyhow, Ken finally asked the nurse about her using Depends to help her with the incontinence.  The nurse said it was a great idea, but it was extra for them to supply them.  We were just amazed that they didn’t use something similar to Depends so she wouldn’t soil herself.  We went out and purchased Depends and hopefully, that will be the end of that problem for her. 

On the very positive side, she has finally started to go to different activities.  In the beginning, she wouldn’t participate in anything.  So, we are happy that she is now participating in some social functions.  They do provide quite a few different activities at the nursing home for their residents.

It is going to be a long haul for Ken’s mom and for us

We have been visiting her every day since her initial stroke.  We only missed visiting her one time since February 7.  During the week, Ken and I take turns going to see her and on the weekends we go together.  It is difficult for us, but it does mean so very much to Ken’s mom.

My dad is doing real well.  He’s had no major problem since his back episode.  I’m really afraid to get too relaxed about his situation, because he’s very susceptible to a fall or a diabetic episode of some sort. 

I did just take him to see the dermatologist about a small growth behind his ear.  The dermatologist removed the growth to have a biopsy done.  The dermatologist said it is definitely skin cancer, but needs to have it sent out for biopsy to see exactly what type of skin cancer it is.  So, we’ll know in a couple of weeks what he needs to have done next. 

My mom is basically the same.  Dad woke me up earlier this week to help with Mom in the middle of the night.  She had diarrhea and some throwing up and was quite sick with it.  Any time she gets any kind of an intestinal episode, it’s much worse for her than it is for the rest of us.

I think she was probably on the toilet for a good hour or so and from being so bent over she felt like she couldn’t breathe.  I think she thought she was having a heart attack.  But, luckily, after about 2 hours, the diarrhea and throwing up subsided and she was able to go back to sleep.

Other than that, her health has pretty much stayed the same.  I think she is getting weaker, but that probably goes with her condition.  I feel so bad for my mom.  She wants to be outside working in the gardens and walking around so badly, but she just can’t do it. 

Life is such a wonderful gift

It’s so hard watching our parents’ health deteriorate before our very eyes and not being able to do anything about it.  We know it’s a natural process, but seems so hard and depressing on them and us, as well.  I guess in our minds we will always feel that we haven’t aged, but realize it’s the physical deterioration of our bodies that prevents us from doing things that we always used to do.

I just signed up this week for Social Security, can’t believe it!  But, in talking with the woman during my interview, I told her that we have my parents living with us and she said to me how lucky I am, at my age, to still have my parents.  And, she is totally right!

Anyhow, I just want to let everyone know how important it is to live every moment of our lives to the fullest and enjoy everything and everyone around us while we can.  Life is great and such a wonderful gift, even when it’s tough going!

The challenge of only children marrying

Friday, May 23

I was driving home from work late yesterday afternoon and heard this interview on National Public Radio with Chinese adult children who had no siblings.  It was so interesting to me because I never heard any remarks from anyone who was remotely in the same situation as Ken and me.

They spoke with one woman who is married to a man who also is an only child.  She was so concerned about her situation later in life when her parents and her husband’s parents are in need of their care.  She mentioned that she and her husband are totally outnumbered by 4 to 2.  She said it will be a major burden to them when their parents need their care.  No siblings to come in and take turns to help them.

Ken and I have found that to be a major problem.  It’s really funny, because when you’re young, that’s the last thing in the world anyone thinks about.  I know we certainly didn’t think about it, not that it matters when two people fall in love.  You certainly are not going to not marry one another because you’re both only children.  That would be totally ridiculous.  But, it really is a major issue down the road when all your parents are frail and ill all at the same time.  What do you do?!!

Ken and I have had a rough time coping with our situation

We don’t have 4 parents to care for, but 3 are enough!  It hasn’t been too bad, so far.  They seem to be taking turns with their real serious issues.  But, there could come a time when we will not know which way to turn. 

I think the hardest time for me so far has been when my father broke his hip (femur).  I was really dealing with 2 people at the same time.  My mom was totally dependent on my dad and was suddenly left at home without him.  That was and still is her biggest fear.  When he hurt himself I was totally new at care giving.  I still remember that very first day and first week of caring for my mother and running back and forth to the hospital to see my dad with my mom.  I honestly didn’t know how Ken and I were going to do it.  But, it’s amazing how one can adapt to a new situation and the longer you deal with it, the easier it becomes.

Unfortunately, now, I very rarely have time to myself…Ken and I both are in the same boat.  As for myself, when I do have a little time to myself, I feel guilty doing nothing.  I don’t know if this is normal or not but I can’t seem to sit still.  My other problem is when I do finally decide to do nothing, by nothing I mean read or watch a little TV, I fall asleep.  Is that exciting or what?!!

Anyhow, life is good and we both have come to realize how precious and special it is.  And, by taking care of our parents, we know that we are giving back to them for all the years they took such special care of us.

Now for an update with our parents

Genevieve, Ken’s mom, has been pretty much status quo.  Her biggest issue is an incontinence problem, which has been brought on by a diuretic they are giving her for fluid retention in her legs.  They are very concerned about her possibly getting cellulitis, which is not a good thing!   She’s been on the medication for at least 3 weeks now and her legs seem to be getting a little bit better.  Hopefully, they will be able to stop the diuretic in another week or so.

She still, everyone once in a while, comes out with some off the wall remarks.  She did ask Ken last week, where he lives.  He described our home to her and told her about her apartment upstairs.  It seemed like she did not remember it.

The need for a patient advocate

We also found out how every patient in a nursing home needs an advocate, family member or someone looking out for their well being.  Genevieve lost her hearing aid last week and we had to really keep reminding them to keep looking for it.  Ken also had to speak to someone a couple of times about helping his mother put her hearing aid in her ear in the morning.  This is something that she can no longer do, but really needs so she can hear what everyone is saying to her.  Anyhow, there were a couple of things we asked the social services person we would like to have done for his mom and discovered they were not totally doing for her.  So, between discovering things that were or were not being done through his mom, we were able to go back and get them corrected.  We realize there are a lot of different aides and nurses that work in these facilities and that sometimes it takes a while for any sort of routine to set in.

A quiet Memorial Day weekend

Monday, May 27

We got through Memorial Day weekend without any major catastrophes.  It’s still hard to spend holidays without the rest of our family.  All of our holidays used to be filled with all kinds of excitement and chaos, which believe it or not, I totally miss.  I don’t like total calm and quiet anymore.  Anyhow, on Memorial Day we took my mom and dad with us to visit Ken’s mom.  We spent our visit outside in the garden area at the nursing home, which was very nice.  Genevieve was so happy to see my mom & dad.  We were so afraid she’d beg us to bring her home, but she didn’t say anything.  She does often mention about giving her a chance to try it at home. 

I have to admit that she is very strong.  I took her to the ladies room for the first time a couple of days ago and was totally amazed how she was able to pull herself up out of the wheelchair by hanging on to a grab bar.  I could tell that she is totally unsteady and not able to move around by herself.  The way she is progressing, she just might be able to come home again.  Right now, we just take each day at a time and address whatever problem presents itself for the day.

My mom and dad were also very happy to see Genevieve.  They didn’t know what to expect, but they were so happy to see her looking like her normal self.  We know they could not have handled visiting her, not even as recent as a couple of weeks ago.  But, we will now take them over to visit with her more often.  Genevieve definitely needs to see them.

My mom is definitely getting weaker

A lot of my mother’s problems are that she is losing her will to keep fighting.  I know she hurts a lot and gets totally frustrated trying to move around.  She has no interest in eating or doing anything socially.  I am hoping beyond hope, that when the new community center opens up in our township that she and my father will be willing to participate in some of the senior activities.  They both need something to take their minds off all of their problems. 

My father still has to deal with a skin cancer issue behind his ear.  We were told that it’s not the bad kind of skin cancer and can be cut out.  We will find out in a couple of days what the doctor intends to do.

I’m happy to say that our parents have not had any major problems since my last entry.

Genevieve, Ken’s mom, had been improving by leaps and bounds and really had us thinking that she might have a chance to come home.  She kept asking us about coming home and saying that she thought she was doing a lot better.  Of course, we would keep telling her that she had to keep working hard with her physical therapy and get a lot stronger before she could come home.

It seemed like she improved mentally to a certain level and then started to go backwards, not a lot, but just enough that we noticed she wasn’t quite as sharp. We had a really hard time determining whether she was walking on her own or not.  She’d, of course, tell us that she walks all over, but we never saw her walk and saw no walker for her to use.

She usually will fixate on something that she’s upset about when we come in to visit her.  One time she was very upset about one of her nurses or aides.  We were never able to figure out who she was referring to, but she kept saying that she doesn’t think they like her.  She finally admitted that she wasn’t her normal self earlier and that probably was part of the problem.  She said she didn’t complain to that person anymore and that everything was ok now.

Dealing with complaints

She also is a very private person and doesn’t like it when the male aides help her with her personal needs or problems.  She had been complaining to us so much about various things that we finally had to call social services to go over all her problems and concerns.  Initially, we had a very hard time getting to speak to someone who could give us some answers to her problems.  But, once we were able to speak to the proper person, they took care of all her issues.

One thing in particular that is kind of funny is that she always loved her breads and pastries.  And, for some reason or other, they had marked down on her diet preferences that she dislikes bread.  Genevieve finally asked us why we told them that she doesn’t like bread.  Of course, Ken and I never said anything about that.  Most likely, when she was way out of it, she probably kept refusing bread and they assumed she didn’t like it.  Now, she finally is getting her bread again and is really enjoying it.

We feel so bad for Ken’s mom

When we did speak to the woman from social services, she basically told us that Genevieve was not able to care for herself.  She is not able to walk by herself and she cannot use the bathroom facilities without the assistance of an aide.  This got to be a real problem for her.  Her legs started to retain a lot of fluid and the nurses were afraid that she might end up with cellulitis.

So, the doctor prescribed a diuretic to get rid of the excess fluid.  She didn’t understand why she was going to the bathroom so much and kept telling us that something had to be done to correct her problem.  She kept soiling herself and this really upset her big-time!  Well, of course, they did tell her about taking the medication to get rid of the swelling in her legs, but she didn’t remember it.

Anyhow, Ken finally asked the nurse about her using Depends to help her with the incontinence.  The nurse said it was a great idea, but it was extra for them to supply them.  We were just amazed that they didn’t use something similar to Depends so she wouldn’t soil herself.  We went out and purchased Depends and hopefully, that will be the end of that problem for her.

On the very positive side, she has finally started to go to different activities.  In the beginning, she wouldn’t participate in anything.  So, we are happy that she is now participating in some social functions.  They do provide quite a few different activities at the nursing home for their residents.

It is going to be a long haul for Ken’s mom and for us

We have been visiting her every day since her initial stroke.  We only missed visiting her one time since February 7.  During the week, Ken and I take turns going to see her and on the weekends we go together.  It is difficult for us, but it does mean so very much to Ken’s mom.

My dad is doing real well.  He’s had no major problem since his back episode.  I’m really afraid to get too relaxed about his situation, because he’s very susceptible to a fall or a diabetic episode of some sort.

I did just take him to see the dermatologist about a small growth behind his ear.  The dermatologist removed the growth to have a biopsy done.  The dermatologist said it is definitely skin cancer, but needs to have it sent out for biopsy to see exactly what type of skin cancer it is.  So, we’ll know in a couple of weeks what he needs to have done next.

My mom is basically the same.  Dad woke me up earlier this week to help with Mom in the middle of the night.  She had diarrhea and some throwing up and was quite sick with it.  Any time she gets any kind of an intestinal episode, it’s much worse for her than it is for the rest of us.

I think she was probably on the toilet for a good hour or so and from being so bent over she felt like she couldn’t breathe.  I think she thought she was having a heart attack.  But, luckily, after about 2 hours, the diarrhea and throwing up subsided and she was able to go back to sleep.

Other than that, her health has pretty much stayed the same.  I think she is getting weaker, but that probably goes with her condition.  I feel so bad for my mom.  She wants to be outside working in the gardens and walking around so badly, but she just can’t do it.

Life is such a wonderful gift

It’s so hard watching our parents’ health deteriorate before our very eyes and not being able to do anything about it.  We know it’s a natural process, but seems so hard and depressing on them and us, as well.  I guess in our minds we will always feel that we haven’t aged, but realize it’s the physical deterioration of our bodies that prevents us from doing things that we always used to do.

I just signed up this week for Social Security, can’t believe it!  But, in talking with the woman during my interview, I told her that we have my parents living with us and she said to me how lucky I am, at my age, to still have my parents.  And, she is totally right!

Anyhow, I just want to let everyone know how important it is to live every moment of our lives to the fullest and enjoy everything and everyone around us while we can.  Life is great and such a wonderful gift, even when it’s tough going!

Friday, April 11

Time sure has a way of getting away from me.  Dad has been improving every day.  My only problem now is that I’m like a mother hen who’s hesitant to allow her young children to leave the nest.  Now that he’s feeling much better, he’s just raring to start doing all kinds of work.  I realize this is a good thing.  My problem is that I don’t want him to fall and break more bones.  The thought of him doing that again just gives me the chills.

He thinks he can putter around like he always did.  The problem now is that he’s out of shape and not as flexible as he used to be.  Dad is driving again and seems to be handling that ok.  Mom won’t allow him to drive anywhere without her in the car, which is a good thing.  They are now doing a lot of their own errands, which does free me up a little more.  I am grateful for that.

Mom seems to be backsliding a little bit.  It’s really hard to tell sometimes if she’s really feeling a lot weaker or if she’s more depressed than usual.  She’s been so fearful of ending up in a nursing home like Genevieve, Ken’s mother.  There is not a day that goes by that she thinks that she has gone downhill since Ken’s mom had her stroke.  I keep reassuring her that she’s doing just fine.

I think she misses her physical and occupational therapy sessions with the girls.  She used to complain that they were so hard on her, but the reality of it is that she looked forward to them coming.  It broke up the day for her.  At least now with the warmer weather coming, it gets both Mom and Dad out of the house.  This past winter was hard on them…especially since Dad couldn’t get out to do any errands.  So, barring any catastrophes, they should have a pretty good summer.

As for Genevieve, she’s another story

So far, she’s made five trips to the Emergency Room.  The last two times it was not necessary to admit her.  Last Thursday the nurse at the nursing home called 911.  They said her lips were blue, her skin tone was very pale and she was limp like a rag doll. 

They took her over to the Emergency Room and again did all kinds of tests on her.  Nothing abnormal showed up this time, so they transported her back to the nursing home.  Ken was with her first at the ER and then I came to relieve Ken.  She slept the entire time she was in the ER and never woke up until she got back in bed at the nursing home.

I went back to the nursing home to see if she needed anything after they got her all settled back into bed. She was surprised to learn that they transported her to the ER and then back to the nursing home again.  She was not aware that anything had happened or been done to her.

She still cannot retain any new information or event for any length of time.  Our youngest son came home to visit her on Monday night and we’re not sure if she remembers him being there.  She did know who he was…so far she seems to remember all of us.  Once in a while she doesn’t remember my name and I think sometimes she’s not sure who I am, but she always remembers Ken.

Some days she seems to be pretty lucid and then other days she’s talking to us about doing things that day that she never did.  She very often tells us about preparing food for people or family that’s visiting and also will tell us how worn out she is from working so hard.  She’s, more times than not, in her own little world.

Getting mom involved

Ken and I spoke to the head of activities on Tuesday night.  She wanted to know her hobbies and interests.  Genevieve really brightened up when she heard the name John Wayne and the movie “Quiet Man”.  She absolutely always loved John Wayne and I believe the movie “Quiet Man” was her all-time favorite movie.  The activity director was going to try to get that movie for her.

They are trying so hard at the nursing home to find something that Genevieve will participate in and spark her interests.  They’ve been trying to get her to play bingo, but she always refuses.  We’re not sure how involved she could be, because she can’t concentrate on any one thing for long. 

Ken is out of town on business for a few days and won’t be seeing his mom.  She constantly asks for Ken, so I’m a little concerned how she will react to not seeing him for a few days.  I told her about Ken yesterday, but she won’t remember.  Hope she’ll be satisfied with just my visit. 

Ken and I watched a TV show last week on public TV about 3 or 4 different families caring for their elderly parents.  It was very interesting and very hard to watch because it just hit home so hard.  These families were going through much of the exact same things that we are going through, except we have 3 elderly parents.

We can handle our situation as long as they don’t all have a problem at the same time.  I guess our biggest problem right now is finding someone to take our place when we need to go out of town.  This is a major problem that we still have not figured out.

Well, I made it through with Ken out of town for 3 days

Wednesday, April 23

I was really concerned as to how Genevieve would react without seeing Ken for so many days in a row.  But, she got through it like a real trooper.  Then, on top of Ken being out of town, he had 3 different surgical procedures the week of his return, which meant he couldn’t get over to see his mom.

And, the jinx seems to be broken with Ken and his mom going into the hospital at the same time.  Halleluiah!!  Thankfully, each day since my last entry she seems to be getting brighter and more alert each day.  So, she was aware that Ken had several surgical procedures done and would ask me how he was doing and was so thrilled when she heard he was ok.

Our visits with Genevieve vary according to how alert she is.  Some days she’s asleep when we come in and has a little difficulty totally waking up.  But, those days seem to be getting fewer and farther between.  She still thinks a good percentage of times that she is somewhere else, I think sometimes back at her house.  She’ll tell us about different things she wants to get at the store or else she thinks we are picking her up to go out to dinner. 

Of course, she’s always disappointed when we tell her she has to get better before we can take her out to dinner.  She is eating better and getting stronger.  She also exercises with the rest of the residents on her floor.  She shows us the different exercises she does and is very proud that she’s able to do them.   

We got Genevieve new reading glasses, as she lost her old glasses somewhere in the nursing facility.  She was constantly complaining that she couldn’t see anything.  She really needs glasses for distance, as well, but we felt her reading glasses were the most important for the moment.

It was the best thing we could have done for her, as she was an ardent reader.  We brought in a book for her and she has been attempting to read it.  She keeps losing her place, but she tells Ken and me what she has read to date.  Her speech therapist has her read from her book and then has her tell the therapist about the story. 

My mom and dad are presently status quo

My father had a dexa scan and just recently received the results.  He has severe osteoporosis, which explains the fractures he’s been having.  So, he is going to have to be extremely cautious about everything he does.  I told him I’m going to wrap him up in bubble wrap!

He is also now on Actinel, which is the same medication that my mother takes for her osteoporosis.  The doctor put them both on the monthly version of the medication, which is great!  My mom always would stress big time about her weekly pill.  The doctor also put them both on calcium with vitamin D.  Hopefully, this will reverse the deterioration of my father’s bones.  He is very frail and unsteady and obviously a major risk for falling. 

And, of course, he wants to do a lot of work that he shouldn’t even consider.  But, I have to admit that he’s become a little bit more cautious than he was before.  The one good thing with my father is that his blood sugar and blood pressure have been very good.

My mother is still pretty much the same.  She’s very worried that her mind is getting worse because she has a hard time remembering things.  She’s also convinced that she had a stroke, which is possible that she did a while back.  She’s very bent over and extremely weak and not getting any better.  But, if it were not for her back and her extreme weakness, she’d be in pretty good shape.

Escape to Virginia!

Monday, April 28

Well, I had a little break this weekend and went to visit our family in Virginia.  We haven’t seen them since Christmas, so was a real nice treat for me.  Unfortunately, Ken and I can’t travel together right now because of the situation with our parents.

So, this weekend Ken took care of my mom and dad and also went to visit his mom.  Luckily, my parents didn’t have any problems.  Ken’s mother is getting stronger and stronger every day now.  It’s just totally amazing!  We never expected her to be anywhere near where she is right now. 

They reevaluated her for physical therapy and she is now getting 2 hours of physical therapy a day.  Before, she only did some exercises from her wheelchair, which all of the residents do, no matter how bad they are.  We have no idea how much improvement she will have.

But, once she’s alert and knows she has to do something to get better, she totally focuses on doing exactly what she is told.  So, who knows, maybe she’ll make it back home.  We’re taking it one day at a time.  We really do feel that she does have a chance as long as she doesn’t have any more setbacks.

Monday, March 10

Well, Ken and I just got home from visiting his Mom.  It has been a major nightmare for her and totally heartbreaking for us.  After being at the rehab facility for the second time, she just doesn’t want to be there and wants to come home so badly.

She’s been going back and forth between reality and non-reality.  Tonight she told us about a person that was so mean to her and said she can’t bear to stay there anymore and that she’s so afraid.  She wants to take off a week to see how it goes and hopes her job will still be there.  We kind of think that she’s referring to her therapy sessions.  She’s in an acute therapy facility and it’s probably too much for her.  She thinks they are mean to her because they make her work so hard. 

It’s so hard to avoid self-pity

I’m backtracking from here.  So much has happened with our parents that it’s almost impossible to keep up with my entries.  Ken and I both go on our self-pity trips, which I guess is kind of normal.  Luckily, if I’m feeling really down, Ken has been there for me and can bring me out of it.  The same thing with Ken when he’s feeling down.  So far, we haven’t been totally depressed together…that one is not good!!

One thing that is so hard to accept is that our parents never had to care for elderly parents.  In their mid-sixties my parents were still very independent and leading normal lives and not having to care for anyone.

That wasn’t the way it was though for Ken’s mom.  Her life at that point in time was not easy.  Her husband (Ken’s Dad) had a bad stroke and was not able to care for himself for many years before he went into a nursing home.  She visited him every day at the nursing home and took care of him as much as she could during that time.  She never got over his death.

For Ken and I we have a very difficult time getting away just to visit our children and grandchildren, let alone taking a trip together.  With spring and summer approaching, I think we’ll all feel better…just being able to get outdoors and take walks and go swimming for some R&R.  That sounds really great!  It will even help my parents.  They hate being housebound and I can’t blame them.  It would drive me crazy!   

Please don’t get me wrong by everything I’m saying above…I’m just venting.  Ken and I both want to keep our parents home as long as it is humanly possible.  We think it’s the right thing to do.  We hate the thought of them having to sit in a nursing home for the rest of their lives.

It’s not bad when the residents are able to socialize and interact with one another…it’s just when they get to the point that all they do is sit and stare, it’s so sad.  Getting old is definitely not a fun thing for most of us!

At last… progress!

Well, now that I’m done venting, back to Ken’s mom.  She spent almost a week in the hospital.  She had her good days and her bad days.  She was transported to a local rehab facility for therapy.  The day she was transported, it was such a miserable day, weather wise.  I think she was very frightened when she arrived at the rehab center…she just didn’t know what was going on.

I met her there and she was crying when I got there.  We got her calmed down and settled in and she seemed to be accepting everything.  When Ken and I visited her at the rehab facility for the very first time, she was in the gym watching a dog training show.  We both were so happy to see her there and participating in something.  She went to therapy every day and really seemed to be improving and for the most part seemed to be relatively happy and looking forward to getting well enough to come home. 

A turn for the worse

She was at the rehab center for at least a week or more and then she took a turn for the worse.  We got a call from the rehab center that they were taking her to the ER because she was not responding to them.  Well, if you can believe this, Ken had another out-patient surgical procedure done that very same morning as his mother was being taken to the ER.

Of course, Ken could not be with his mother after just having a surgical procedure done.  Can you believe it?  Both times that Ken had a surgical procedure done were the times that his mom had to be sent to the ER.  I think that is really strange!  Anyhow, she was in pretty bad shape when I got there.  She was constantly trying to clean imaginary objects. 

They, of course, did a lot of tests, including a CT scan.  She did not have a full-blown stroke, but something they referred to as an event.  Anyhow, it was enough that it really set her back, big time!  She spent another week in the hospital.  During her stay this time, she became very uncooperative and belligerent with the nurses.

She never remembered being in the ER and didn’t seem to remember our visits from one day to the next.  It was extremely hard for her to communicate early on during this hospitalization.  She seemed to get a little better after a few days.

Her doctor told us that she has a lot of different problems going on.  She’s been on Coumadin (anti-coagulant) for years because of her irregular heart beat.  She’s been on this medication to prevent having a stroke.  But, she had to come off this drug, because of the brain hemorrhage.  So, now they are having a major problem with her blood.  Without the Coumadin, she most likely will develop blood clots, but with it she’ll have possible bleeding in her brain.  Then on top of that the arteries on both sides of her neck are 50% clogged.  So, she has some major problems.

Back to rehab - but it’s not working out

The rehab facility where she was prior to this hospitalization did readmit her as an acute therapy patient.  She hated being in the hospital and couldn’t wait to get out.  We told her she was going back for therapy and that she would feel better.  Well, this time, her brain is so messed up that she doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not.  We never know which Genevieve is going to show up when we visit her.  She’s been at the rehab facility one week now and has to have someone sit with her around the clock because she wants to keep getting up, won’t eat and doesn’t want to take her medication.  At this point, it brings us pretty much up to date.

More evaluation concerns

Tuesday, March 11

The rehab facility is having an evaluation of her to determine whether she stays in acute therapy.  Ken called them this morning to more or less give them our input to her situation.  We both feel she should be moved out of acute therapy and transported to a sub-acute facility.  Hopefully, she’ll be a little more accepting of it.

It’s so hard to see her so unhappy.  She wants to come home so badly, but there is no way she’s well enough to come home for even 24/7 homecare.  This is hard on both of us, but especially more so for Ken.  It’s totally different when it’s your own mother or father going through these horrible times.  You want what is totally best for them and you don’t want to see them unhappy.

Getting back to my dad… his general practitioner had him get a regular X-ray on his back after his fall (the day before Genevieve went into the hospital) and then we went to his orthopedic doctor who treated his broken femur.  I was so afraid he reinjured his hip again.  His orthopedic doctor sent him for a CT scan of his lower back, which showed he had a compression fracture of one of his lower vertebras.

He just went for an MRI to see if they can do a procedure called a vertebralplasty (I think that’s right) on him.  This is a minor procedure, where they shoot in some sort of cement to repair the fracture.  Sometimes the patient has instant pain relief and sometimes it takes a little longer.

My dad is really hoping and looking forward to having this procedure done.  Other than his pain in his back, he is doing relatively well at this point in time and looking forward to doing some chores again.  He’s been helping my mom more and more.  They help each other as much as they can.

Mom has her good and bad days.  Some days her back bothers her more than other days.  She no longer has therapy at the house.  The allowable amount of time has run out, but it was very valuable to her.  She knows she has to do her exercises to keep her from getting worse.  She’s bent over worse than ever and cannot take any kind of stress whatsoever. 

Her occupational therapist would like to see her get some pool therapy this summer.  I’m hoping we can do this for her.  My mother used to love the water, but is fearful of it now.  I do know that as warmer weather comes, she will definitely feel better.  My mom and dad both love to sit outside on their deck and just enjoy being outdoors.  I think spring makes us all feel better!

Later today we should know what the prognosis is for Ken’s mom.  Right now she’s the hardest one to deal with.  We really do hope that she can get well enough to come back home again… she wants that so badly.

In the meantime, life does have to go on as usual.  Ken and I are both still working, so we need to work around all our personal problems with our parents as best as we can. 

Another set back

Ken received a call this afternoon from the rehab facility that his mom had been transported back to the hospital ER again.  She was unresponsive, had a fever and a lot of congestion.  When we arrived at the ER, she didn’t talk at all and was asleep most of the time.  Occasionally she kind of had her eyes open and just looked like she felt totally miserable.  She was diagnosed with pneumonia and also a urinary tract infection.  They admitted her to the hospital later that night. 

The next day she appeared to be very feverish and again unresponsive for most of the time we were with her.  I believe she did say a few things, but not very much.  All we could really do that day was hold her hands and let her know we were there.

Two days after she was admitted there was a big improvement.  She was sitting up and looking so much better.  She was able to converse with us again, but kept asking the same question over and over again.  She still is constantly talking about events that are either not real or are from the past.  We were hoping that by some small miracle her mind could start coming back again.  But, we don’t think that is going to happen.

They had to move her to another room at the hospital, because she needed a care companion to stay with her around the clock.  So, she is now in a room with another patient who has similar problems.  Ken’s mom also has big mittens on her hands so that she can’t pull out her IV and other tubes.  She hates having them on and just doesn’t understand what she was doing to herself.  She still is not eating and has lost another 5 lbs, making it a total of 15 lbs she has lost. 

Researching nursing homes - it’s not fun

Ken and I have been checking out various nursing home facilities and we found one that is very bright and cheery when you walk in.  We realize that the most important thing about the nursing homes is the staff.  That, unfortunately, we won’t know anything about until we have his mother in the nursing home for a while.

She’ll initially be going into the nursing home as a sub-acute rehab patient.  But, we think the reality of the situation is that she may be staying at the home permanently.  As much as we would like to bring her home, we think it’s just not possible.  She can’t do anything for herself, including eating.  We know when she is feeling better she’ll be begging us to bring her home.  She just doesn’t realize how sick and bad she actually is.

Hope for dad

My dad is going for his vertebralplasty tomorrow morning.  Of course, with every procedure, there are usually several tests to have done before the actual procedure.  After having a regular x-ray on his back, he then needed a CT scan.  From there he went to the doctor that does the actual vertebralplasty.  That doctor sent him for an MRI to see if he was a candidate for the procedure.  After finding out he can have the procedure done, he then had to go for blood work.  So now, here we are the day before the procedure.  He’s hoping beyond hope that his pain will be gone.  He has not slept in a bed in about 5 weeks.  He’s tried a couple of times, but once he gets in bed he can’t get out. 

I dread every time he needs a surgical procedure done because of his diabetes.  He can’t eat in the morning, so I’m hoping that he doesn’t have one of those mornings where his blood sugar is low. 

Of course, every time my dad has to go to a doctor or have any kind of procedure done, my mom gets herself all upset from worrying.  They always went together to each other’s doctor appointments or procedures.  So now it’s hard for my mom not to be with my dad. 

I’m increasingly worried about mom

Mom has been doing her exercises that her occupational therapist had given her.  I think she does realize that if she doesn’t keep herself active, both physically and mentally, she will go downhill much faster.  I noticed today, especially, that when she walks, she’s bent over more than ever.  I think her head is even below her waist when she walks.  I think she would give anything to be able to stand up straight and walk normally again.  Every time I ask her if she wants anything from the store, she always tells me a new back.  I feel so badly for her, because she was a very active woman who loved the outdoors.

Today is dad’s procedure

Tuesday, March 18

Well, here we are the morning of Dad’s vertebralplasty.  We got lucky this morning… his blood sugar was 160 at 5am.  I feel pretty good about that.  I was so afraid he was going to have one of those mornings with a reading below 80.  I have to say this was a fairly smooth morning for having a surgical procedure.  Everything was right on time… he just had to wait a little extra for the doctor to arrive.  He came through the procedure with no problems and virtually has no pain.  I’m sure he’ll be pretty sore where they inserted the actual cement, but other than that, we’re hoping for a full recovery (no pain in the lower back). 

My fear now is once he’s feeling pretty normal, that he’ll get himself into trouble again… his balance isn’t the greatest.  His mind wants to do as he always did when he was younger.  Hope his body agrees with his mind.

Of course, Mom was worried sick about my dad this morning.  But, she also got through it with no major trauma.  I still have to make an appointment for Mom to have a renal ultrasound.  I’m dreading that!  Mom does not do well with any kind of procedure, because she can’t lay flat.  I’m trying to make sure I have a clear calendar before even attempting it.

Ken’s mom is not doing well

As for Genevieve, Ken’s mom, it’s not good.  Last night when we saw her, she looked like she went through a major battle.  Her hair was totally a mess, her gown was half down her arms and her covers were half off the bed.  Her thumb was out of her mittens and she was pleading to get the mittens off.  Again, it appeared that she didn’t eat her dinner.  I’m not so sure I could have eaten it either.  It was all pureed food…mashed potatoes, spinach (a green glob) and probably meat (a brown glob).  Guess she’s now having a hard time getting her food down.

She did have an MRI yesterday, but they did not have a record of the results yet.  She does recognize both Ken and me, but cannot remember our names.  She does not know where she is staying and still cannot remember anything that she said after 5 minutes or so.  When we tell her how sick she was, she’s always so amazed.  We think she doesn’t remember our visits from one day to the next, but she’s always so happy to see us.  The nurse told us that she still does not have any discharge date from the hospital. 

It’s always an adventure to go visit her.  We just don’t know which Genevieve is going to greet us.  It’s so sad and depressing.

Old age isn’t for sissies

It seems like when the majority of elderly people reach a certain age, that all they do is go to doctors, have tests and take a lot of medications.  My grandmother is one of the fortunate ones.  She’s now 95, going on 96 and I feel she’s really in great shape.  She’s feeling very put-upon right now, because her 97 year old sister is in a nursing home.  My grandmother, along with one of her sister’s friends, has been cleaning out her house.  Plus, my grandmother visits her sister every day at the nursing home and tries to encourage her to eat and participate in the activities at the home.  So now, my grandmother is feeling the stress of all this.  This is not good for a 95 year old person.  I’m hoping that this doesn’t hurt her!

Easters are a lot different now

Wednesday, March 26

Can’t believe Easter has come and gone!  The past few years Easter has been very different for us.  Years ago it was filled with lots of excitement and anticipation… coloring Easter eggs with the grandkids, Easter egg hunts, going to church Easter morning and, of course, Easter Brunch!

The past few years have been very quiet, as our parents aren’t able to travel and our children and grandchildren now spend Easter at their own homes.  We still go to church on Easter morning, but it’s now just Ken and me.  This year my dad’s birthday was also on Easter.  So, we had a double celebration.  He turned 85 and I told him he has to start thinking young.  Guess it’s kind of hard when you hurt all over.

Catching up on the parents

Well, again, let me backtrack to catch up on how our parents are doing.  My dad had his vertebralplasty last week and was pain-free when he first got home.  But, by the time I got home from work that night, he was in a lot of pain again.  The anesthesia wore off and I think the pain he was feeling was more from the actual procedure.  The next day he was pretty good, but not totally pain-free.

The third night after the procedure he did sleep in the bed for the first time since the beginning of February and was able to get out of bed by himself.  His back is not totally pain-free, but it might gradually improve.  He goes for an x-ray of his back tomorrow and then back to the doctor next week.  We’ll have a better idea at that time what his prognosis will be.

My mom has been kind of status quo.  She’s not in good shape, but she realizes that not too much can be done about her problems.  Most of her health issues are all related to her back.  She doesn’t go out very much any more, because it’s too difficult for her.  I try to get her to do some of her exercises that the occupational and physical therapists had given her.  She does do some of them, but gets tired and discouraged very easily.  I’ve also been trying to get her interested in some games and puzzles to keep her mind challenged.

As for Ken’s mom, Genevieve, she’s another story.  She was discharged from the hospital March 19^th around 8pm.  We went to see her early that night before she was discharged to prepare her for the move to the nursing home.  She was in pretty good spirits, but, of course, her mind was very much the same.  We kept telling her over and over that she was leaving the hospital that night and going to a new place for physical therapy.  We were hoping beyond hope that she would remember, but of course, she didn’t.

Transition to the nursing home didn’t go well

The next day, Ken got a call from the nursing home to tell him his mother was there and settled in.  But, the night she arrived, she was extremely combative and screaming for Ken.  The next morning they found her on the floor…she fell out of bed.  I went to see her that afternoon to make sure she was calm and not too confused.

But, by the time I got there, she was perfectly ok.  She was dressed in her clothes again and looked so much better.  We took turns going to see her for the next couple of days and she seemed to be doing ok.

She seemed more mellow and talking a lot, but no longer agitated.  Again, she talked about the same things over and over again and asked the same questions many times.  Seems like this is how her mind is going to work…not remembering anything for more than a few minutes.

Saturday, Ken and I both went to see her later in the afternoon.  We happened to catch her at dinnertime.  But, we were really quite surprised by her reaction to us.  She’s always been so animated and happy to see us.  But, this time, she actually didn’t utter one word to us and we’re not sure if she knew us…we think she did.

Ken and I fed her dinner and managed to get her to eat a fair amount of food, but when it came to her dessert, she started to fall asleep.  The health aide told us that she had a very busy day and was probably just worn out. So, we said our goodbyes to her for the day and were hoping beyond hope that tomorrow would be a better day.

Improved

When we went back to see her on Sunday, she was much improved.  She was very happy to see us as usual and was talking a lot.  She still seemed subdued, but that’s ok…it’s much better than seeing her in an agitated state.

Monday night, I think, she seemed almost like her normal self with the exception of her mind only being able to remember things for a few minutes.  She was sitting in her wheelchair eating an apple, when we came in.  She even had her fingernails painted.  Couldn’t believe it!  She really looked great.

Before she had her stroke, she had to have an apple every day.  She seemed to remember how much she enjoyed her apples.  She talked about her afternoon activity over and over again.  We always ask her what she had for dinner or if she had a good night’s sleep and she can never remember. 

Another Twist

Well, the next day was unbelievable again!  Ken had an outpatient procedure done to break up his kidney stone for the second time.  So, I’m thinking to myself, “Are we going to get through this without his mom going to the Emergency Room?”  We made it through the day without any phone calls, so we’re assuming his mom didn’t have to go to the ER today.

Ken was not feeling well enough to visit his mom last night, so I went the usual time.  When I saw Genevieve, I couldn’t believe it.  She was in a lounge chair in her pajamas and had two brush burn marks on her forehead.  The nurse could see how shocked I was and said they put a call into us.  I told her no one ever reached us.

Anyhow, she tried to stand up that morning and fell down.  They had to take her to the “Emergency Room” and thankfully they didn’t have to admit her.  We thought we made it through Ken’s procedure this time without his mom going into the hospital, but we didn’t!  I just think this is the most bazaar thing!  She almost senses when her son is having some procedure done and ends up being in the hospital herself.

So, we’ve pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that his mom is going to have her good days and her bad days.  She just can’t remember that she’s not well and can’t get up and just walk around like she always did.  It’s still an adventure every time we go to visit her.

A pleasant surprise

Friday, March 28

Yesterday I took Mom and Dad for x-rays.  I’ve been putting off Mom’s x-ray, because any type of procedure for her is very difficult.  I finally decided to bite the bullet and made an appointment for both of them to have their x-rays done at the same time.  That has its good and bad points.  They both really need me with them whenever they are having a procedure done.

But, this time Dad thought he would be ok, which he was.  So, I went with Mom for her ultrasound of her kidneys.  The technician was so caring and nice to my mom.  Between the technician and me we were able to maneuver Mom around enough for the ultrasound.  Anytime Mom has to get up on an exam table and lie flat, it’s a major problem.  But, I think she did better than usual this time.  Usually an event like this will totally exhaust her, but this time she didn’t mind it at all.

Ken went to see his mom Thursday night, but she was sound asleep when he got there.  He tried to wake her up, but had no success.  The nurse did tell him that she had an hour and a half of therapy that day and was probably why she was all worn out.  Plus, she was up all night.

The night before she slept until 10pm and then was awake all night.  The nurse told Ken that she has her group of people who don’t sleep at night at the nurse’s station every night.  Amazingly, she said they talk to one another.  I guess they have their own way of communicating, because she said she had no idea what they were talking about.

Then last night, Ken again went to see his mom.  This time she was awake and again was in her own little world.  She always knows Ken and is happy to see him.  But, when she talks it’s always about something that is a total fantasy.  She still doesn’t remember what she ate or even that she had therapy, which she did that day.  It’s just amazing how her brain works!  It’s always an adventure going to visit Genevieve!

Friday, February 15

I really thought Ken and I were finally getting a handle on our lives again.  We had about a week with no major catastrophes.  Dad was helping Mom again with some of her personal needs.  The really nice thing was that I could sleep in until 6am instead of getting up around 5am every day.

Dad was almost at the point of being fairly independent again.  Then, last week, he pushed his activity too far… his intent was good, but the outcome was very bad.  He decided he wanted to get the tractor out of the shed so that he could take the trash cans out to the street.  When opening the double doors to the shed (they were warped from dampness), he had to push to get them open.  When they finally opened, his body went right along with the doors and, consequently, he fell down.

Ever since that happened, he’s had bad lower back pain.  Two mornings in a row he could not get out of bed.  I had to have him roll over onto his stomach and slide out of bed onto his knees.  Since those 2 occurrences, he’s been sleeping in a chair.  He went to the doctor and then had X-rays to determine if he fractured or broke anything.  He’s now on pain pills and not doing well at all.  We’re still waiting for the results.

A major setback with Ken’s mom

The same night that my dad hurt his back, Ken’s mom started acting strange.  Her balance was not good at all.  She was standing at the kitchen counter and started to slide over.  This happened a couple of times.  That night, Ken had to walk her upstairs… she couldn’t do it without help.

The next morning (6am) she called for us.  She fell out of bed and had no control over her legs.  We called 911.  They came right over and transported her to the Emergency Room.  After several tests, including a CT Scan, it revealed she had a brain hemorrhage (mild stroke).  It affected the right side of her body.  She has some strength and movement in her right leg and arm, but not good control.  She also has a very difficult time speaking… can’t get the words out.

That same morning she went to the Emergency Room, Ken was also due at the hospital for surgery (same hospital).  It was a very difficult morning for Ken.  His Mom’s in the ER with a stroke and he’s due for surgery in 1½ hours.  We finally had to leave his mom and have Ken report in for his surgery.  He finally got all his paperwork done and was ushered away to change into typical patient surgical attire.  I then went back down to be with his mom in the ER and stayed with her and made sure she was all settled into her room.

The rest of the day was spent going back and forth between Ken and his mom.  Ken’s surgery was delayed four hours.  That was horrible for him and agonizing for me waiting for him to come out of surgery.  Then, after I got Ken home that night and settled in and my mom and dad settled, I went back to the hospital to make sure Ken’s mom was doing ok. 

I do believe that had to be one of the hardest and longest days of both of our lives.  If we had ever known something like that was facing us, I think we both would have turned around and run away.  So much for our feeling of getting our lives back again!!

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Sunday, January 6, 2008

It’s been several weeks since I made any entries to this diary.  So much has happened, not sure I can begin to remember it all.  For one thing, I had no idea how Ken and I were ever going to get through the holidays with everything that we had to do.  But, we did it and we really did have a very nice Christmas with our family.  Family makes all the difference in the world!!  All the problems we’ve had with our parents seemed so much easier to handle when our children and grandchildren were here. 

This was the first holiday that I was not so uptight about everything.  Years past, I would have been up all hours shopping, wrapping gifts, baking, preparing different foods for the holiday, etc.  In other words, stressing out big time.  This year we had plenty of stress, but we did make sure that we still had our couple of hours on Saturday nights leading up to the holidays. 

Friday, January 18

Boy have we been busy with parents and business, both Ken and I!  I didn’t realize it was so long since my last entry, so this will be a recap of what has been happening. 

We did have a very nice holiday.  The one bad thing that happened was that my dad fell down on Saturday night before New Year’s Day around 11 at night.  He fell hard again and our family was still visiting.  We all ran into my parents’ apartment and found my dad on the floor in the bathroom.  He had a gash in his head and was bleeding, but not real bad.  He was shaking, probably upset from the fall.  We didn’t know whether we should take him to the ER or not.  We really didn’t want to if we didn’t have to, since he had been through so much in the past few months.

We kept an eye on him and our son stayed up and checked on him every once in a while.  The next day he seemed to be improving and the gash seemed to be ok.  He was still weak and wobbly, but little by little seemed to be getting stronger.  The weird thing was that he didn’t remember how he fell and actually doesn’t remember falling.  He does remember Ken and our son picking him up.

Back to quiet… back to our reality

The next day our family left, which was New Year’s Eve day.  Of course, the house was so quiet without all of them again.  Dad seemed ok that day…he rested most of the day.  The bad thing was that he had no appetite, which is not normal for my father.  Prior to his first fall, he had a bottomless pit when it came to eating.

I tried to get him to eat, but he just picked at his food.  For the most part, he had been monitoring himself for his blood sugar and also doing his own insulin injections.  Dad told me on New Year’s Eve that the needle bent and was not sure how much insulin he had injected into himself.  I didn’t think too much of it.

The next morning, New Year’s Day, we started out with a real bang.  His blood sugar was high and so I assumed that he either didn’t get any insulin or else not enough.  So I gave him another insulin shot that morning.  At lunch time, his blood sugar had shot up to 410, which was way out of line for my father.  So, I called his endocrinologist and luckily he called back within 5 minutes.

Couldn’t believe it…New Year’s Day!!  He said we should go to the ER and get checked.  He thought my dad could be dehydrated.  Diabetics’ blood sugar will go high if they are not properly hydrated.  I know dad was drinking quite a bit the day before.  Anyhow, we spent New Year’s afternoon sitting in the ER.  Dad had a CT Scan, blood work, urinalysis, was checked over, and everything seemed to be ok.  His blood sugar was still high at the hospital, but it did come down quite a bit.

He basically ate nothing that day.  The doctor said he could have had some sort of an episode that made him fall, but wasn’t sure.  Sometimes after a fall, a person can exhibit almost flu-like symptoms.  So, we still don’t know for sure what caused him to fall.

One possibility is that he was taking Ambien, a sleeping pill, which the doctor said can be addicting to some people.  Dad just wanted that pill every night, but he’d only sleep for a few hours and then be walking all over the place and really kind of out of it, and also started walking without his walker.  It became a real problem.  Anyhow, we kind of think that may have been part of the problem with his fall.

Crisis again

My father seemed to be getting better, but then two days after New Year’s he fell again.  I believe it was 2 times that one day.  He became so weak and developed diarrhea, became incontinent, and was just plain totally out of it.  Ken and I thought we were going to have to have someone come in and care for them 24/7.  Dad’s care was just getting so beyond us.  We just did not know which way to turn.

I believe that week was the worse week of my life with caring for my parents.  I wasn’t able to get my work done at the office and was constantly cleaning up after my dad.  I was totally frustrated and exhausted.  By that Saturday night, when I got into bed, I had serious back pain and had myself convinced that I did some serious damage again to my back.  I had back surgery a little over a year ago and was perfectly ok.  I guess, between trying to get my dad up and the stress of it all was just too much on my back.  Thankfully, after one whole day of being good to my back, it’s ok again!

Anyhow, Dad did stabilize over the next few days.  He was still very weak and not himself, but by the following Monday, we returned to Dad’s family doctor.  She changed his sleeping pill and also gave him a Vitamin B12 shot.  From that point forward, he seemed to do a real turn around.  Still don’t know what was wrong for sure, but we do think the Ambien had a lot to do with his problem.

Some people should not take certain types of medication and I think Dad is definitely one of them.  I also remember when I was much younger, I worked for a doctor, back in the 60s and elderly people were always coming in to get a B12 shot.  I think I remember reading that this vitamin B12 shot is making a comeback in the elderly generation.  It could also be making a very positive effect on Dad.  Anyhow, we’re getting him back!!  There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Didn’t think we’d ever be able to say that about Dad again.

Ken’s mother’s dementia continues to be a challenge

Kind of backtracking now.  Just to bring us up to date with Genevieve, Ken’s mom.  Last week was her week.  She went to her eye specialist, foot doctor (all 3 went to the foot doctor), skin doctor and the dentist.

Ken and I thought she was getting better with her mind.  The neurologist tried a new medication on her and it really seemed like her memory was getting better, not searching for words as desperately as she used to.

But, then she seemed to go backwards again.  She can’t remember what doctor she’s going to and many times she can’t even remember the doctor.  Usually she’ll remember them when she sees the actual doctor.

It seems many times like her hearing is getting worse, but we think her mind can’t process what she’s hearing properly.  The only way she can hear is to totally focus in on the conversation, which does not happen very often.  She seems to be falling asleep more and more during the day and has gone downhill dramatically in the past few months.  Hopefully, she’ll feel much better when nice warm spring weather returns.  We all will!!

My mother also continues to be a real challenge!

We’ve been having a physical therapist and an occupational therapist coming to the house for her.  I think in some respects she is getting stronger…so does the physical therapist.  She is able to get in and out of chairs so much better than she used to.  But, at the same time, she’ll say how weak she is and how much she hurts.

The occupational therapist is pushing her to try to do more and more tasks.  She’s encouraging her to do her word scrambler puzzles again.  She used to love to do them, but just totally lost interest in everything.  She can’t concentrate on reading anything.  The one and only thing she does enjoy is music…especially music from the 40s.  Music is her first and one true love…very therapeutic to her.

Each and every new day for Ken and me seems to have some sort of new challenge waiting for us, but we are ready and able to face whatever is being thrust upon us…some days are just harder than others.  Guess that’s the case for most families.

Believe it or not, life is getting a little bit better with our parents!

Sunday, January 27

Dad is making a tremendous recovery.  For as bad as he was, he’s done a total turn-around.  We had ourselves convinced that he would need total 24-hour in-home care, so needless to say, we are very relieved. 

We went back to Dad’s orthopedic surgeon last week and he said he was healing very nicely.  He’s now walking with a cane and doing a good 50% or more of the chores that he used to do.  He wants to do everything, but there is a limit.  He’s still getting physical therapy, but that will most likely end in a couple of weeks, as well as the home health aid. 

They’ve all been so wonderful to my dad.  We would have been totally lost without them.  Dad’s so anxious to get back outside again.  He and my mom both feel totally housebound.  He made sure that we found the power cord to his scooter so he can get that all charged up and ready to go.  We also went to Motor Vehicle on Thursday to get his license renewed.  Dad still has to prove to me that his driving skills are ok.

The doctor said it would be ok for him to drive, as long as his reaction time is good.  So, I think he’ll be doing most of the work and chores that he did before the accident.  I would never have believed that 2 weeks ago!  So, now I am able to get up about an hour later in the mornings.  It’s so wonderful!!

As to my mother, she has certain problems that will never change

Her physical therapy ended last week.  She really did do well with it.  Her legs and arms are actually pretty strong, but for some reason she doesn’t seem to have the strength to do a lot of chores.  But, on a positive note, she gets in and out of chairs by herself…not that it’s easy for her, but she knows that she can do it and has to do it.

She also got over the fear of getting a bath in the tub.  We have a special bench for the tub.  One side of the bench legs sits in the tub and the legs on the other side sit on the outside of the tub.  She’s able to sit down on the bench on the outside of the tub and then rotate her bottom so that her legs are in the tub.

She was petrified the first time she used the bench, but now she does quite well with it.  Her power wheel chair is also great for her.  It has a power lift in it and when her back is hurting badly, she can sit in the chair and get the weight of her upper body off of her lower spine.  This also forces her upper body into a more upright position and helps her breathe easier. 

She still is receiving occupational therapy two times a week.  This is really great, because the therapist is constantly challenging her mind.  She’s constantly trying to get her to solve certain puzzles.  She also had Mom sitting at the organ and playing a song for her.  She used to love playing her organ.

She also has her in the kitchen, doing minor things…like getting herself a drink of water or getting something out of the refrigerator.  We just found their boom box, which was hidden in the closet.  While Dad was in the nursing home, we were trying everything we could think of to make his stay a little better.

One thing we got was some CDs of big bands from the 40s.  Anyhow, now Mom and Dad are playing these CDs and totally enjoying them…especially Mom.  She always said music was therapy to her and how true it is for her.  She even enjoyed the music so much that she was moving her feet while using her walker.

As for Genevieve, Ken’s mom…she’s an adventure every day

We never know which Genevieve is going to show up in the morning.  She always seems her best if she gets up at her normal time in the morning.  When she sleeps in a lot later in the morning, it seems to throw her off the whole day.

She loves to keep busy…that’s the only way she’s happy.  I came home from work the other day and found her on the floor in the living room.  I don’t know how long she was there, but my guess is it was a good half hour or more.  She was all over the floor trying to get herself up, but just couldn’t do it.

Mom and Dad were over in their apartment, which is really just a room away, but they never heard her and didn’t know she had fallen.  I tried one time to get her up, but there was no way in the world I could get her up without totally destroying my back.

I called Ken and he came right home.  It was even hard for Ken to pick her up.  Luckily, Ken was able to get his mom up.  But, I told her that if Ken is not in town and it’s just me, the next time we’ll have to call 911. 

Ken and I are making a big push for all 3 of our parents to get some kind of Medic Alert device.  Even though they all share the same house, they don’t know what has happened to each other at times.  We wanted them to get one over a year ago, but they all fought us on it.  Guess they didn’t see the need for it.  But, I think they realize it’s necessary now.

Caregiving at 95

My grandmother, who is 95 years old, is still in great shape, living alone and still driving.  Her sister, who is 97, was also living alone until last week.  She fell in her home and no one knew about it.  Neither my grandmother nor her sister have a Medic Alert device. 

When my grandmother’s sister fell, she was obviously alone and unable to get to a phone.  She lives in a row home and was able to get to the wall and pound on the wall.  Her next door neighbor luckily heard her and was able to help her.  She was hospitalized and had broken ribs and a fracture of her spine.  She stayed with my grandmother for about a week, which was very difficult for my grandmother.  It’s a little hard to become a caregiver at the age of 95. 

After staying with my grandmother for a week, her sister had to go back to the hospital with a different problem and from there went into a nursing home.  She was told she could no longer live alone.  So now my grandmother has the task of putting up her sister’s home for sale.  My grandmother had power of attorney for her sister.  But, luckily, her sister transferred the power of attorney over to one of her previous neighbors.

Ken and I always dreaded what was going to happen to my grandmother and her sister when they would need help.  My dad and I have power of attorney for my grandmother.  My father is also an only child and my grandmother is my dad’s step mother.  So she has no one else to care for her when she needs help.

Her sister has no one else either.  We feel very bad for my grandmother, because she could use some help from us right now.  Luckily, she has the most wonderful friends and neighbors in the world who have really stepped up to help her.  Don’t know what we would do without them.

It really becomes a major problem when a husband and wife are both only children and have elderly parents and a grandparent with an elderly sister who all have health problems.  But, someway, somehow, problems do get solved

Wednesday, December 5

Well, Dad finally made it home yesterday.  Hallelujah!!  Everyone at the nursing home was very nice.  They all seemed to take an interest in Dad because he couldn’t sleep at night and was always going out to the main room to watch TV and eventually fall asleep.  They all felt so bad for him that he couldn’t sleep at night. 

Now that he’s home the pressures on myself have increased tremendously.  I realized it would be a huge responsibility when he came home, but between Mom & Dad, it takes me almost all morning and a good portion of the evening to get them settled.  I’m now dispensing medication for both of them.  My mother’s medication is pretty easy, but my father’s medication is more complicated.  He’s diabetic and his insulin and Prandin were totally changed while he was in the nursing home.

So, now that he’s home I was a little uncertain what to do.  The Visiting Nurse came on Wednesday and what a life saver she was.  She totally went over all his medications and put a call into Dad’s endocrinologist.  We basically kind of went back to his old regimen.  The nursing home has to pretty much treat all diabetics alike, I’m sure because of time restraints and personnel.  But, he seemed to do ok at the nursing home. 

We now have the visiting nurse, physical therapist and a home health aide coming to help him through this period of time.  They are all very special, caring people. The nurse will be coming 2 times a week.  I believe the physical therapist will be coming 3 times a week, and the home health aide 3 times a week.  My mom also has a physical therapist 2 times a week and an occupational therapist 2 times a week.  Our home has become a real zoo.  But, I’m so thankful that my parents are able to get this kind of care.

I think I learn something new every day about being a caregiver

I took my Dad to the doctor today to go over his medications, etc.  I called to see when the visiting nurse would be coming and found out that she couldn’t come today because the insurance would not allow it.  Cannot have the nurse come to the home and also go to the doctor on the same day.  Good thing to know.  Actually makes sense to me.  There is no reason to have a nurse come to the home when the patient will be checked over by their physician.

I thought my dad would do a lot better once he got home, but if anything, I think he’s worse.  He was probably like this at the nursing home, but just didn’t realize how bad he was.  He’s so anxious and on edge.  He told the doctor today he can’t stand to have his legs elevated…makes him feel like he wants to climb the wall.

We talked to the doctor about the Prozac he’s been taking ever since he went into the hospital.  He was not on it before he was admitted to the hospital.  I think it was on a list I had given to the doctor where Dad had his fall.  Guess I thought it was crossed off, or else told them he didn’t take it all the time.  Anyhow, it was probably given to the paramedics and then given to the hospital and then to the nursing home.

I’m convinced that the Prozac is making Dad have all these anxiety problems.  He’s now taking another medication and am hopeful that this will take care of his problem.  He’s also developed a bed sore that needs to be watched.  On top of all this, he’s constantly up on his leg and I swear at times he’s putting pressure on that leg.  I just can’t seem to get through to him how important it is to take care of that leg.  It’s really worse taking care of elderly people than little kids.

On a happier note, Ken and I went out and got our Christmas tree today. It was so nice to do something positive.  It’s amazing how appreciative you are of small moments of joy when you’re going through a period like this.

Life sure is both hard and interesting sometimes

Sunday, December 9

On the positive side, my father is doing much better.  He’s been off Prozac for 2 days now and is doing so much better.  He’s still not sleeping in his bed at night, but between his sleeping pill and being off Prozac, he is getting a little sleep at night.  Now I have to get his blood sugar from going too low during the night.

Hopefully, by this coming week we’ll have his meds and bed sore all on the right track.  Now, if only his leg would heal.  He so badly wants to help me, but I’m petrified he’s going to reinjure himself and start all over again. 

I’m learning with my mom that we seem to get at odds with one another early in the morning and at bedtime.  She’s so used to being on a schedule, and when her schedule is messed up, she becomes very upset.  I’m the opposite and very flexible with what I do…I have to be that way.

So, I have to try much harder not to get her upset in the morning, but it’s so hard with only about 5 hours of sleep a day and getting right out of bed at 5-5:30 in the morning and digging right in.

I have to keep doing this until my dad’s leg is better, then he will take over again.  I know they don’t want to put me through all this, but there is no alternative.  I try so hard to take good care of them, but realize I’m human and can’t get all things done totally right.

Alzheimer’s is such an insidious disease

On Saturdays I take Ken’s mom grocery shopping and any other errands she needs to get done.  I will not let her go in any store or anywhere by herself.  Up until the end of this summer, she was going into the library and drugstore by herself.  She’s extremely unsteady, has a hard time hearing or understanding other people and has a hard time communicating with people…can’t get out the words she wants to say.

So, I try to stick close by her whenever we go shopping.  Yesterday she was writing a check out for cash and could not remember how to do it.  While I was in the post office she finished writing it out.  From the post office we went to the drugstore and then straight to the bank…probably about 15 minutes from the time she wrote out the check.  By the time we got to the bank, she did not remember writing out that check.  I was totally shocked and amazed.

Her memory is going downhill so fast…just can’t believe it.  Ken’s been taking her to her doctors to help me out and I know it upsets him too seeing her deteriorate so rapidly.  I think she does realize what is happening to her and gets so upset whenever she does something like that.  She’s still dispensing her own medication and I really would like to take over that responsibility.  I think she’s doing it properly or else I would have insisted I do it for her. 

My responsibilities have increased ten-fold

I just hope we can keep caring for them without totally ruining ourselves.  I’ve taken over all financial responsibilities for my parents, doing their shopping and taking care of their prescription needs.  And, of course, all the calling back and forth about many miscellaneous things.

Ken’s mom also needs a lot of additional help.  In the past week, I virtually have had no down time to myself…maybe 10 minutes here and there every once in a while.  It does get me down every once in a while and I try to shake it off as much as I can.

Today I decorated the tree and put on some Christmas music and think I enjoyed decorating the tree this year more than any other time.  Then when Ken got home, we got all the Christmas decorations out and put them up.  It was wonderful therapy.  It seems like anything I do that does not include being a caregiver becomes such an enjoyable thing.

I just look so forward to our Saturday nights out.  Ken and I don’t stay out long, just enough time to get reacquainted with each other.  We’re both so unbelievably busy…not a good thing.

I’m so looking forward to having our family come for the holidays.  It seems like it’s been forever since we’ve seen them and played with our grandkids.  Can’t wait!  Definitely need some young children running through the house and making some noise.  Will be great!

The adventure is getting more intense every day

Thursday, December 13